26 Week VLOG

I did a VLOG and for some reason when I uploaded it to YouTube it messed up the sound-video, so it looks like an old dubbed Japanese movie. :) 

Pregnancy and Depression

While pregnant, emotions run high and I could cry at the drop of a hat or get pretty ticked off for no reason at all. It's really starting to remind me of depression. The smallest malice seems like it takes over my life.  I don't mean to complain about everything, especially knowing how hard we worked to get here, but it occupies my whole life. I'm constantly in aching pain or discomfort. When I lay down and am able to get comfortable without the burn of acid reflux or suffocation of my heavy baby, and Emma wiggles and squirms it is such a lovely feeling. I could lay for hours just like that. Every morning when Emma kicks me awake it gives me a big smile, until I realize just how much i have to pee and then the aches begin to take over and cloud my mind. I always wanted to be one of those women who love pregnancy, who loves every moment. I feel like rather than a "glow" I carry dark bags under my eyes and pale skin, a fat behind and love handles that overflow from the back of my pants. It's difficult and depressing to see the shape of my body change, I can no longer wear those pants or fit in that shirt, the numbers on the scale are too scary to want to see. At first it was exciting, YES! I had finally gained a pound. But as the number reached closer to 20 pounds... it started to make me feel quite yucky.  I feel like a blob when I can't close my jacket, when I can't button up my winter coat. 

The depression or whatever it is escalates when Danny is gone. I don't have his constant companionship around, I don't have his helping hands, support, or smile to help me pick myself up when I'm feeling overwhelmed or down. Being so far away from family and from the friends I have who truly care is daunting... sometimes I feel like I need more support and just don't know where to find it. I've been trying to stay very busy, to keep distracted, by working more hours and taking on more activities, but really I think I'm just wearing myself out. I'm worn down. My house is a mess, which I feel is a direct reflection of how I'm doing. When we're happy, when things are going great, when I'm having the best time of my life or my days, this house is clean, neat, and orderly. When I feel things spiral out of control, they do.. along with the neat and tidiness of the house I live in. And all I do is look at the mess and think, "Man this place is disgusting, how do I live here?" (I'm probably painting a much worse picture than it actually is, nothing like on Hoarders or anything... but quite messy.)

Anyway if anyone reads this blog who is trying or knows what it's like to try so hard to conceive, please know I am not ungrateful. Emma is the most incredible gift I have ever been given, and I love her so very much.  Pregnancy is tough - especially when you go through it alone.

25 Weeks Pregnant

Just one week away from the 6 months mark, and 2 weeks from entering the third trimester... here I am sitting on 25 weeks of pregnancy with my now large behind. :)

This week has been another insane one, filled with 8+hour work days among other extra curricular activities, I feel I've been swallowed whole. My exhaustion level goes beyond just feeling "tired" once again.

To make fatigue even more pronounced, Emma has learned how to kick so hard that it wiggles my entire belly, and not just a little bit. I've tried to catch it on camera a few times but I can never seem to catch her in the act. She's learned somehow to sleep most of the time while I'm up walking around at work, and have a dance-a-thon at night while I'm trying to sleep. Luckily it's only she who is affecting my sleep and not Danny's absence. Because I'm so tired, I've had no trouble falling asleep once Emma stops practicing Karate on my organs. It's still pretty cool, even if frustrating when she kicks from midnight to 4am, to see the belly aerobics going on, and it's pretty much the most amazing miracle I've witnessed.

Acid reflux is still torturing me and I feel that this is something that is going to stick with me until Emma is born. Since I can feel her kicking up close to my rib cage now I know my stomach is just being smashed by her gigantic body. Knowing how long she is, and how much she weighs (nearly a pound and a half) can give you a pretty good idea of why everything is smushed, especially looking at how much my belly doesn't actually stick out...

I've once again hit up the local TJ-Maxx store for a $7 bra, the size made my eyes nearly pop out of my head. Then a girlfriend of mine told me that not only are they not done growing, but to expect them to fill up two more cup sizes once the milk comes in when the baby is born.... and that this can happen literally over night.

I've tried to add some different kinds of vegetables to my food supply, so far I've tried eating more sweet potato, which goes over pretty well, and asparagus, which i normally love but right now it's just "ehh". I have carrots and baby tomatos to try snacking on next, though I've never liked tomatoes. Who knows, maybe I will now.

Weight 137.5 (I've only gained half pound over the past two weeks, but I put that down to being oh so overly active 7 days of the week)

24 Weeks

Even though I'm only 2 days away from my 25 week mark I hadn't had time between Wednesday and now to actually sit down and write this until today. So I'll try to remember only things that happened in week 24.

Started out with my 24 week appointment. We had a little ultrasound of Emma, she was quite a turd, not cooperating and sticking her tongue out at us, and then she started chewing on her fingers, she yawned, she kicked her long legs around and slapped her knee a bunch of times. She kept kicking the Ultrasound tech, it was kind of funny.
Then we went in to see the nurse practicioner, who tried to find Emma's heart beat but Emma wouldn't stop moving, and based on what she could find she "guessed" her heart rate was still up near 150 which is good. I was still measuring about 4 days behind, surprise surprise! Emma weighs over a pound and is 13 inches long from head to feet. According to the doctor's scale I was 141 although when I weighed in at home it was still 137.5. According to the numbers that they have, (starting weight 122) I had already gained 19 pounds. I've decided to just ignore that. Because it's totally scary.
I have 107 days left of pregnancy, YIKES! That's just over 3 months until Emma arrives! And in two weeks, I'll be in the 3rd trimester..

Ok so things that changed in week 24: Acid reflux has become a major issue. It doesn't matter what I eat or drink, my throat just burns with acidic "burps" which aren't really burps but kind of feels like it should be until it's not... best way I can explain it.
No longer interested in eggs, or burritos. or much food for that matter, though I'm still trying to eat well it's totally bumming me out that it's not summer time and there aren't any good summer fruits in season right now. I did buy some frozen pineapple and peaches to thaw and eat but they just don't taste anything similar to the "real" ripe in season thing. *sigh*
Still no milk for me. That's an instant "sick" if you know what I mean.

Well that's all for week 24, I'll be updating again in 2 or 3 days for week 25.

23 Weeks Pregnant

Well, there isn't much going on that hasn't been talked about before. Still dealing with b-acne, still tired. Still can't drink milk at all.

Some new developments: Itchy belly & lower back - I read that this is from the skin stretching
Stretch marks - in random places, not on the belly (yet?) though.
Feeling Heavy - some days emma feels so heavy, when I roll over in bed or try to get up.

Nutrition still pretty good, still not very interested in vegetables though I've tried to enjoy them. It's strange, I love veggies usually. Fruit is still my passion currently. Emma still flips and wiggles all the time, it seems to be more and more on a schedule though than it was before which is awesome. I'm thinking of keeping a little note of what time of the day I'm feeling her move to try to figure out if she has a sleep pattern just yet.

Danny has been really wonderful about giving massages and rubs when things start to get sore. I don't know what I'm going to do without him around for almost 4 weeks!

It's also getting close to maternity clothes shopping. My jeans (as I'm sure you'll notice in the photo below) do not fit right anymore and my shirts roll up my belly unless I wear one of my two maternity tank tops under them. Also, I have a feeling my belly button is going to pop out here in the next month or so, it's getting pretty shallow... and I thought I had a deep belly button!
Waist : 34.5 inches
Weight: 137.0

Anatomy Scan

So today was my "20 week" anatomy scan, even though I'm "supposed" to be almost 22 weeks along (21+5).

Emma is still a girl, WOHOOO! She weighs in at 0.9lbs. She was hiccuping and waving, scratching her face, and kickboxing. She is giant, her head is down near my pelvic bone and her feet are up at my belly button. She has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes! I saw her profile, looks like a Sherman/Runcie style profile to me! To me it looks like she has looong arms and legs, but who really knows until she pops out.

I'm due (once again) on March 13th instead of March 9th. I knew they shouldn't have changed it way back when, I had a pretty much spot on knowledge of when she was conceived, there really wasn't much room for error since I only visited Danny for a few days...

I cried quite a bit this time, I don't know why, just so happy when I see my baby. It was really cool, also, to see her kick and feel it at the same time. Sometimes she would bounce and it felt like a big thwamp! She kicked the ultrasound wand thingy a few times and it made the US tech giggle. She said, "She is very active!" (duh) I told her She's like this every day.

Here she is, in all her beauty. I think she looks beautiful already. (I'm not sure what the shadow over one side of her face is about though, I didn't actually see THAT when looking at the US screen, just her face. Maybe she was moving when the pic was taken.)

21 Weeks

Whew. What a week!

During the last week, we have flown back and forth to California, which let me tell you - is ridiculously uncomfortable while pregnant. The swelling is outrageous, as well as the dehydration factor. I still can't pull my rings off.

What's going on with the pregnancy? Emma is now kicking much higher than before, once kicking my belly button. Her arms/legs come out from all sides of the belly. I had an appointment this morning, my 20 week appointment, even though I'm 21 weeks just because of the trip we had to push it back. Shortest appointment ever, really. Measured my uterus - I'm measuring about 20 weeks right now, I'm not surprised they change their minds every time I go in. Found Emma's heart beat, racing around 150bpm. Blood pressure was alright, 119/74, weight was good, with tennies and a sweater jacket on I was at 136lbs.

Signs and symptoms - not much going on. Still pretty acne ridden, which isn't cute. I think I felt a braxton hicks last night, on my right side. It was kind of weird, but not painful or anything. Then after the plane ride and everything fun like that, I was really really sore and I still am, my whole body hurts and aches. A little nauseous but I haven't gotten sick again since last Tuesday when I couldn't keep anything down, so that's a big plus!!

I'm pretty sure Emma is on a schedule. She kicks at the same times each morning and in the afternoon, does dances around lunch time, and loves sweets, because every time I eat anything with sugar in it she does flips and goes bonkers.

In other news, the baby shower was FABULOUS! I got some great little things for Emma, outfits, hair bows, blankies, bibbs, bottles, toys, slippers, along with some fabulous gift cards. We came home to some big boxes, a stroller/car seat combo, a rocking sleeper, and a boppy! Also in the mail, a doppler from a friend! I was hoping to have it before traveling home so my Mom could hear the heart beat but it came the day after we left. She sent it to me after I had some anxiety a few weeks ago when Emma stopped moving for several hours.

Current Weight (on my scale):134 Waist: 33inches

20 Weeks Pregnant

Does time fly, or does time fly?
I can't believe I'm half way there... in 20 weeks I'll be saying hello to my little baby girl.  Top that off with our 5 year anniversary just at the half way point in pregnancy, it's a very exciting day.

This week Danny and I participated in our first child birth class. It was really awesome, very informative, and I've already learned so much. I've been doing my squats and stretches in preparation for labor, and Danny is working on relaxation techniques. I think it'll help the both of us when the time comes. My Bradley Class instructor told me that soft tissue injuries hurt more than labor - so that broken ankle I had after prancing around in japan after a pedicure in flip flops in the rain she said probably was a worse pain to endure than labor itself. She had nearly the same thing happen, a bone in her foot broke, which she said was worse than labor. I think it's really the fear of labor that is probably worse for most people than the act of labor itself. You hear horror stories and are told you need the pain meds to help with the pain, we're such weenies now a days! This is what our body was made for, after all. I'm excited to experience it all. It's only a few hours of "pain" to endure for something so wonderful.

Let's see, other than that, Emma still moves, she responds to Danny's voice, and doesn't like it when my bladder is full. She'll kick it until I go to the restroom. She loves to dance and do somersaults in there especially first thing in the morning. She's kicked hard enough to wake me up in the middle of the night, but still Danny hasn't felt her movement yet.

I had a cold last week, which brought on the morning sickness again, that was fun. And working has been difficult, I can't eat much while I'm there and I get to this sick, hungry, dizzy point.... and if it's too busy or there aren't enough employees there I'm not allowed to take a break. (which is crap, makes me miss California law.) I've started keeping track of protein intake for Bradley class, we're recommended to eat 90g of protein each day, so far I've done really well maintaining about 100g of protein each day, give or take a few grams. I keep the protein bars and drinks handy if I'm missing some at the end of the day I'll eat or drink one of those before bed. I've noticed lately I'm not eating as much fruit as I was during the summer fruit season, so I started to use frozen fruits in smoothies.

I suppose that's about all for this week, until next time! xoxo

Weight: 131.0 (haven't kept anything down today though.. last night I was at 132.5.)

19 Weeks

The biggest thing this week: Movement.

Emma baby must be a gymnast in the making. It started with intense poking and some prodding feelings. Then one morning as I was laying in bed, belly exposed, she started kick/punching pretty hard, and all of a sudden a little arm or elbow poked out. It was SO WEIRD! It was alien like, to see something trying to poke my tummy!
Then today I was sitting in the waiting room at WIC (a program for lower income families, providing them with nutritional foods for the women, infants and children in the household. Things like milk, cheese, cereal, whole wheat breads, eggs, and fresh produce) and I could feel Emma squirming around like crazy. After a few continuous minutes of this romping around I lay my fingers across my tummy and she did some kind of somersault against my fingers! I could feel her whole little body roll against my fingers. It was AMAZING!

There is this realization coming over me, there's a little something growing in there and I'm making it!!!

A little bit of sickness hits every once in a while, especially if I'm working and don't have a chance to sit down to eat. Speaking of eating, I've discovered hostess cup cakes and I've fallen in love. I think I've had two boxes the past week and a half (Danny helps of course but I'm sure I eat the majority).

Emma responded to Danny this morning, he put his mouth on my belly and yelled "EMMA" and she kicked in the opposite direction, I think he scared her. He still hasn't been able to feel her from the outside yet though.

Next week's update will be a day early, as we are going out of town for my California baby shower. This shower will be super fun, I get to see all the friends and family that I miss so much! And they get to see my expanding belly.
Weight: 130.5lbs

18 (and a half) weeks

Myy bad. I thought about the blog on Wednesday, and then I didn't do it. And then Thursday ended up sick, and Friday I don't think we were doing anything but being lazy after work and today I'm still sneezy but had to do this.

So this week: Very well. Only had morning sickness once, though I came close a few times. My legs are feeling better after taking that calcium this week. I seem to have lost my appetite, could be because of the cold, but I've had to force small meals because I'm just not hungry at all. As a result, I've lost some weight, down to 126.5, but along with not eating as much I'm also doing more through the week. This week was particularly busy, with work and vet appointments and church obligations. Our house is a desaster as well, from having a cold to being busy, things have gotten a little out of hand and it's totally grossing me out. Since we don't have any obligations until 5pm this afternoon (Saturday) I'm hoping to get the laundry and some of the house cleaned up. ok that's off topic.

So Emma has been kicking up a storm the last few days, it's pretty cool. I'm really hoping she gets strong enough to kick so we can feel from the outside. It's pretty surreal and hard to really take in that this is happening, and soon. I'm already almost 1/2 way through the pregnancy!

Weight 126.5 Baby Girl Emma

17 Weeks Pregnant

This week has been quite better than the last 16 in terms of Morning Sickness. I only "got sick" twice this past week (that includes today) even though I still feel pretty nauseous most of the time I'm not throwing it all up anymore YAAAAAAY! I've been able to eat three meals and lots of snacks nearly every day. Meals aren't nearly the size that they used to be, but still, meals none the less.

Other things going on this week:

• Restless legs. After going to the doctor today, I found out I have a calcium deficiency, and that accounts for the restless legs. I'm now on calcium tablets, since I don't drink milk, and only use soy milk in my cereal and for cooking.
• Round ligament pains. These are fun, cramps that go from your uterus all the way up the sides of your belly. Fun stuff.
• Lower Back Pain. More fun! Just something that comes with pregnancy
• Sniffles. Yes, in fact, pregnancy causes some sort of something to happen to mucous membranes and I wasn't paying attention so I don't remember why, but lots of pregnant ladies get really snooty around this time of pregnancy. 
• Nose and gum bleeding. Yaay. enough said.
• Trouble Sleeping: this I can attribute mostly to being told not to sleep on my back. I ignored at first but can't when my body wakes me up every time I lie on my back or turn onto my back during the night. Doc said this is because my blood pressure goes down and bam, body wakes me up to say "Hey! I need more blood!" i really need to find a good pregnancy pillow to shove under one side of my back to keep me from rolling over.

Doc says I'm right on track for weight gain, Hooray! Today (at home) I weighed in at 128.0lbs. A perfect amount of weight gain from last week, and to date. From 122 I've gained about 6 lbs, and if I continue to gain one pound per week, it will put me at right around 28-30 pounds, just where they want me to be. Woohoo!
Heard the baby today, heart beat still above 150bpm, perfect. It took a little while to find the heart beat, which made me want to die, but baby moved closer and we found it woohoo!!

Tonight, we find out the sex. Oh, and my bump came out to say hello today!

16 Weeks Pregnant

Now I'm just trying to remember with this absent memory of mine how the past week has been..

I don't think I was nearly as physically sick as I have been previous weeks, and I had several meals containing either meat or chicken which I kept down just fine, but suffered the tummy cramps afterword regardless.

I finally finished my meds and I don't have any funky metalic or medicine induced taste in my mouth today at all! I haven't been able to drink plain water in weeks, because of the pregnancy metalic taste, it's gross. Always had to add some cranberry or orange juice to it! I've discovered that eating any kind of sugary food on an empty stomach is not a good idea, and doesn't help with hunger at all... Hungry? Don't grab a snickers! I've been able to eat two or three FULL SIZED meals this past week, which I'm proud of, and I weigh in at 127.5, and I can't remember my weight from last week, I'll have to look it up.

More exciting news, we find out if Squish is a boy or a girl NEXT WEEK! WOHOOO! September 30th, you'll all know if you're having a niece or nephew, grandson or granddaughter!!!! I'm not getting my hopes up, for some reason I just have this gut feeling that they aren't going to be able to determine the sex... even though I know some mommies who found out between 12-14 weeks, and our US Tech starts looking at 16 weeks and I'll be 17 weeks and one day. Or 17 and 4 days, or 16 and 6 days, they tell me something different about how far along I am at every visit.

I've had some hip pain, especially after walking around for upwards of 30 minutes at a time, or standing for longer than an hour, my hips just ache. I also have several pair of pants that won't come up past my hips any more. I've felt some of the ligiment pain (or so they telll me that is what it is) in my sides, and sometimes feel pain down by my pelvic bone/area, mostly mild discomfort. Some mornings I still wake up nauseous, though today and yesterday have been particularly lovely in terms of stomach comfort, minus the constant hungry. And I'm really craving fruits. Fruits fruits every time i get up for something to eat I look for fruit, and of course we don't have any hahahahahaha! Also I find that when I eat something good, that I can keep down, and that doesn't make me want to stop eating, that's all I want to eat. Though I haven't allowed myself repeat meals because I don't want baby to be a picky eater, and I'm finding more and more things that i can actually eat now.

Well baby needs a snack before we head out to the grocery store. Baby bump week 16:

Oops I cut of half my head. 16 weeks

15 Weeks Pregnant

♫ Oh Heart beat, it's a love beat, and and when we meet, it's a good sensation! ♪


That's right, we heard little Squishy's heart beat!

Yesterday I went to the doctor, I've been having some serious pains that feel like horrible menstrual pains, and lower back pain that could kill someone. (Ok not that bad, it didn't have me in tears, but it hurt and was really uncomfortable!) I found out that I had an infection that causes the uterus to contract, and that's what I was feeling, and it's a good thing that I went in to get it treated because that causes preterm labor! And since baby isn't of viable age, he or she would have died. LUCKILY! I went in to the doctor and got some antibiotics. They make my mouth taste horrible, and I hate them, and have 6 days left, but it's all for baby!

They listened for Squish, and the heart rate was up at 160 BPM, which is good!! He or she was moving around a LOT and the doctor said that I might be able to feel him or her moving very soon. Danny wasn't at the appointment, so when the doctor said we could listen to the heart beat I was pretty sad that he wasn't there - that he would miss another first... but she told me to call him so he could hear it over the phone!!

I'm still sick, and yesterday Danny said to me, "Gosh babe, you sure throw up a lot!" Thanks honey! And he missed the worst of it LOL. But because I'm no longer throwing up at night, I've started to add some meat and chicken back into my diet, slowly, at night only. I still can't eat very much of it but I'm eating some and that's a start! at the doctor's office I weighed in (with clothes on) at 129, and I started at 127 (at the dr's office, with my clothes on) so that's a 2lb weight gain over the past 8 weeks.

I tried almond milk this morning and I didn't really like it, it was weird. I might give it another chance, but after looking at the nutritional values compared to Milk, it's just not as good, so I'll have to look at some silk cartons and see what they have to offer.

Naia is being adopted by another family this weekend, and so it's been a pretty emotional week. I could cry at the drop of a hat. Actually I pretty much do.

Uhh other than that I suppose that's all! :) Here's my bump:

14 Weeks

Yesterday I hit 14 weeks!! I was so sick in the morning and so busy in the afternoon/early evening that I didn't update the bloggy on time.

I've been more sick this week than I was last week, and my little baby bump has shrunk a little bit. Despite the shrink in the size of my tummy and the sickness, I still managed to gain half a pound from last week.

Other developments - I need to go bra shopping. Then I hesitate because I know the girls are still growing, but I'm just overflowing even my largest bras. I'm in need of a TJMaxx trip to find a $12 bra that I'll not even need a few weeks from now, or so I'm told.

I was able to clean for a little bit, and then I started to get sick again and so the house is once again a disaster. Danny helps when he can, but he is SO BUSY at work!! After being gone for nearly 5 weeks and then going on vacation with me, he is drowning in his work load. He is the Unit's deployment manager, and has to make sure everyone gets their stuff all done in time and in order and keep track of it all. I can't post all the details of what's going on but I can tell you, it's a lot of work!

Tonight we are going to the temple for the first time since I got pregnant. I'm really really hoping that I don't get sick! We are so thankful for this blessing, I'm sorry that we hadn't been able to make it up there earlier. This will be the first time Baby goes to the temple! hehehe!

I love my baby, have I said that? if I haven't, I'd like to say it again, I love my baby.

Oh another thing, I have NO MEMORY! Short term memory - gone. So if I don't call you back, write you back, or remember to be somewhere or if i don't remember when you told me such and such, it's not because I don't care, I just really do NOT remember!! I also tried to take off a clothing sensor with a sunglasses sensor remover yesterday at work. I felt like a retard, but oh well, I had just totally forgotten what I was doing! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

Weight - 127.0 - TOTAL weight gain - 4 pounds

13 Weeks

Well this week I am 13 weeks along!

I thought by now I would be feeling much better, but the last two days have been overly difficult. I got super sick today just walking down into the kitchen, and then again when I managed to make my way to the pantry and opened the door. It was like the smell of whatever was in there really smashed into my nose. When Danny came home he cleaned it out and threw out anything that had been opened already and all breads and bagels that could possibly have gone bad.

I'm not sure how much weight I've gained, I haven't been using the scale. I suppose I should start trying to keep track of that a little better, now that I'm supposed to start gaining about half a pound per week, up to a whole pound per week until the end of my pregnancy.

I still can't eat meat chicken or seafood, and I've found many recipes and options available at restaurants. Now that I'm not on the Prednisone I no longer lie awake through the night, so I've been able to get at least some sleep, minus the 2 or 3 bathroom trips in the middle of the night.

I've found that peppermint gum helps with the funky "metalic" taste in my mouth, and it also keeps me from gagging through the day as long as I have a piece in my mouth at all times. This can be quite difficult if I misplace my pack of gum, and can also be annoying as I go through a pack of gum every day. Sometimes if I get tired of chewing I use lifesavers mints but those have sugar in them.

Not sure what else to update on, our next appointment is the 30th of September and we will find out the baby's gender in about 4 weeks!

Here is my bump for the week, I know, I'm not glamorous at all, I have been sick through the day today and am not looking very "glowy" at all.