I'm tired

I'm tired of being tired. I'm tired of constant Braxton hicks contractions, pain, fatigue and sleeplessness, mood swings, and smelling everything(like "nose air" who smells nose air!!!).

I'm tired of living out of a duffle bag and doing everyone's laundry every other day wohout fail because if I didn't we would have no clean clothes. I'm tired of the anxiousness I feel and stress of not having a home to live in or a place for my things. I'm tired of putting my child in diapers because all the changes made her totally regress. I'm tired of moving my daughter around and making her sleep in a small and uncomfortable Pac'n'play. I'm tired of living in socks and shoes because the floor in this temporary apartment is too gross to walk around barefoot in. I'm tired of grocery hopping every two days because we anticipate moving out in a days notice. I'm tired of looking at the calendar and seeing 11-10-9-8 weeks until baby comes and still knowing we don't have anything for her if she came while in temporary housing.

I'm tired of knowing no one and having nothing to do all day. I can't register for anything around here without an address. Oh I'm tired of not having an address.

I'm tired of hearing Christmas music because it reminds me that I can't give Emma a proper first Christmas at home.

I'm tired of hearing "you shouldn't do this or that or take it easier!" Because the baby might pop out early. I'm tired of being in pain if I pick up my older daughter for more than two minutes.

I'm tired of being so swollen down there it makes being intimate very difficult and I'm tired of having to pee every five minutes and 3-4 times a night.

I'm just really tired.