Our First Pregnancy

9 Months PP

2011-12-10T11:06:00.000-08:00

Well, she's finally been OUT as long as she was IN!

I'm FINALLY pre pregnancy weight, though I still don't look/feel the same LOL.

Emma isn't sleeping through the night yet but we're working on it. We recently started crying - it- out and it's working rather well and going very smoothly (KNOCK ON WOOD, seriously). When we've tried this before it just didn't work - I wasn't ready, she wasn't ready, Dad wasn't ready, and all of us would just end up in tears.. over tired and frustrated and heart broken. Emma is now crying for about 9 minutes a night and then going to sleep, and for about 10 seconds at nap time and then going to sleep, and she'll also put herself BACK to sleep which has never worked out before, either. (Thank Heaven.)

I'm still breast feeding so the tata's are still quite large, and I'm worried what will happen to them when i stop. I plan to wean around 12 months though I don't know how easy it will be for either of us. Unless you've breast fed and have loved doing it, you won't understand why anyone would want to keep breast feeding their child after a year.. or after they can actually ask for it... or after they have teeth (and.. yeah, that hurts.. little biters). It's a really strong bond that only a mom can have with her baby. It's very special and magical.

Danny and I still haven't gone out together without her......... HAHAHAHAHA! We love her too much to leave her, EVER. It's kind of crazy. It will happen soon enough, though, probably while we are home visiting family for the holidays.

Another thing, LOL, we got a housekeeper twice a month. After I started to Nanny full time (about 44 hours/week) things really went south. We finally got them under control and then went for emergency leave to Las Vegas and when we got back we had fallen out of our routine and life got even crazier.. and the house went back to shambles. Now it's finally under control again and I'm so happy to not have dust anywhere. Maybe once I'm sleeping all night again I'll have the energy to do it myself - but for now - tough cookies, someone else can carry the burden for me for a while.

Also, 9 months later, we're ready to try for #2! I don't have a cycle yet (thank you no pacifier and breast feeding around the clock....) so it won't likely happen any time soon but we are trying! Danny is starting the vitamins again and no prevention method is being used. So, baby Sanoja x or y, come on down! :)

Life post pregnancy

2011-06-20T18:50:00.000-07:00

Happy Girl, 2 Months

Life is wonderful.

There is nothing better than being a mommy. This journey has been a rocky road but we are so very blessed to have the perfect baby girl. She is so strong and beyond her age in development. She has reached so many milestones early!

I still have 10 pounds to go to get to pre-pregnancy weight, but the doctor said that I will not likely lose any more until after I stop breastfeeding no matter what I do, because the body tends to hold on to 10-15 pounds for "storage" to take care of the baby's needs in case of famine. Isn't that interesting? Our bodies are so efficient! So for now I only fit into a few pair of my own pants but that's alright with me!

I have been exclusively breast feeding since day 1. In fact, we're having trouble getting Emma to take a bottle. I've been pumping a few ounces each day to try to get her to take a bottle, but she just doesn't want it! I would like to be able to go get a hair cut or something, date night, anything, and be able to leave her for just a little while and not worry about her getting hungry. Oh well, I guess I can wait until she's 6 months old, it's not that far off anyway (say wha!?!)

Let's see, other than that, I'm still having "lady" problems since her birth and my postpartum appointment didn't go so well so I have yet another one later in the week (yes, my baby is nearly 4 months old and I have not had a successful, "you can go back to a regular doctor now" p.p. appointment yet) but that, to me, is really not a big deal.... since I've had "lady problems" practically all of my life so that isn't really a surprise now, is it...

I'm still in a 34DD, and I've tried and tried squeezing into a 34D but it just doesn't work out, I get the 4-boob look going. I thought they were supposed to go back down after the milk regulated but so far mine. have. not. I have a friend who recently told me they never went back down for her and then got even BIGGER now that she's had #2!! YIKEROOZERS!

Oh yeah and another thing about postpartum, the hormone fluctuations are really weird. One day I feel pregnant again and one day I feel totally normal. I got really nervous the other day because I seriously felt like I was 8 weeks pregnant again. Then Danny and I laughed because wow that would be nearly impossible.

Also, the house is still not quite under control. But I don't care. I go 100% taking care of Emma, the house can stay at 50% for a while. I've just started getting back into a grocery routine. And at least I make dinner and lunch every day now :)

Now, for a fun picture of Emma.

Emma Talking to her Daddy, 3 months old

Emma standing in Daddy's hand, 3 months

My body has changed...

2011-03-31T15:59:00.000-07:00

We finally introduced Emma to a bottle, so that I could have a tiny bit of mommy time when Danny comes home from work. He'll get home and I'll pump a few ounces, I'll get on the bike, ride for 10 minutes (that's all I can do to start out with, I haven't been to a gym since 2008... and haven't worked out since about May 2009) stretch, and take a shower.

As I stood in the bathroom looking in the foggy mirror, I realized everything had changed. Since I got over my awkward phase, I'd considered myself a good looking woman since college. Though there were things I always wanted to improve, like my arms or my abs, I was overall very happy with the way that I looked. Staring back at me now is a different person. Face a little rounder, giant breasts streaked with bright purple stretch marks, a dark line running down the center of my stomach along with a handful of purple and red stretch marks, sagging skin and a stretched out belly button, love handles that make the fluffiest muffin top you've seen...
But it's ok. I will get some of my body back, it will take time but it will come. And I am still beautiful.. in a different way. A mommy kind of way.
I know not to obsess over these things, especially in front of Emma. I would hate to be that example: the "I'm not good enough" example.
I stared into my own eyes, and braided my hair. Yes, I braid my hair again, just like when I was younger... it's simple and keeps everything out of the way for my all important mom duties. I put on a pair of too tight sweat pants, a regular now-a-days, and grabbed yet another nursing tank top from the pile of clean laundry and pulled it on. As I picked off the pink fuzz left behind by my sweet child's blankets, I smile... Danny and I have always hated lint... but the fuzzy pink balls that stick to everything we wear don't seem to matter. I'm a mom. With big beautiful blue eyes, blonde hair that will always fit into a pony tail holder, and a heart that belongs to my amazing daughter.

3 Weeks Down!

2011-03-29T14:29:00.000-07:00

I am not "fully" recovered but I'm getting there!!

I can pee without numbing, the biggest plus. And I have feeling in my bladder again. (did I mention that last time? That you lose feeling in your bladder after a vaginal delivery? you do, and you have to remember to go pee... imagine having to remind yourself to breathe.... kind of similar.)

I'm off the motrin, I'm off tylenol, I'm off of all the drugs! YES!! And Emma is doing great. Breastfeeding is going great, it still stings sometimes and sometimes things get a little raw, especially after that three week growth spurt talk about ouch. But now that she's over 3 weeks old we were able to introduce her to a bottle, and pumping hurts much less than a tugging baby. So I get one break each day when Danny comes home from work and can give her a bottle, and I am free to do my own thing, like shower or ride the bike. WOhoo!

I am still fat, but that'll take time and that's ok, it took 9 months to gain all this body fat and extra skin, it'll take a little while to put it all back where it belongs. I've lost about 13 pounds I think.. and am kind of at a stand still on that number. I can't wait to get under 140, I'm stuck at 142 and have been for over a week. But I can start adding in 30 minutes of slow peddling on the bike 2 to 3 times a week now that Lochia seems to be just about over.

Over all, recovery is going very well. Can't wait for my checkup to get the green light on resuming normal activity and pumping up workouts to a higher level.

Here's a cute Emma face just to top off the post, we call this her monkey face, and it makes us laugh every time she does it!

Recovery - week 1 & 2

2011-03-18T11:27:00.000-07:00

The things you don't hear much about...

1. Tearing and healing from it
2. Afterbirth pains
3. Anxiety

The tears are still healing, and could take up to 6 weeks to fully heal. I'm pretty sore but thankfully have this magical gel that numbs the heck out of everything.
After giving birth, you have what is referred to as Afterbirth. The first time standing up after giving birth is a trip - it literally feels like your entire contents of your body - all organs and everything, are going to fall right out of your behind. There is so much pressure it catches you off guard. No one ever mentioned this to me before... I was not expecting it.
Then there are the pains that are associated with this. I feel like I've been on the worst period of my life for two weeks now. Motrin is my only way to escape the pain, though the doctors offered much stronger medicines to cope with this - codine, percocet, etc. I decided that I wanted to keep my baby away from narcotics. I felt bad even taking the motrin, after avoiding everything during pregnancy and child birth - I never even took a tylenol. But as Danny put it, I have someone who depends on me now, and if I'm in too much pain to walk around without my legs shaking, I can't take care of her in the perfectly loving way that I want to.

Today I tried to wean myself off the Motrin, as I had been feeling very good the past two days. However as soon as the build up of medicine cleared my system (about 24 hours or so) my legs started to shake again and the pain made me claim my reclining throne. Luckily Em is sleeping so I have some time to let the Motrin I just took set in a bit before I have to go get her again. And it makes me feel better that Motrin is considered "safe" during breast feeding though... I wish I could avoid it all together.
I also "pulled a muscle" so to speak down there, so I'm sure that contributes to the amount of pain.

We have been so blessed that Danny has time off of work to help me, and that his parents have come to help as well. I haven't had to make dinner (or breakfast or lunch) since I had Emma, and I'm so thankful that I don't have to do anything. Learning to breastfeed exclusively and trying to keep myself alive on a small amount of sleep is pretty exhausting, but I love every moment of it.

I love being a mom. It is the greatest gift in the world, and I know Emma already knows me!! And Danny, too! When no one can calm her cries, one of us can take her and she'll calm immediately. I just love that.
With being a new mom comes anxiety though. Danny and I talk about our fears, irrational or not, it is so scary. I'm so afraid of doing something wrong and losing my daughter. I can't sleep some nights because I have to check to make sure she's still breathing. She sleeps on my chest most of the night, and in the morning she sleeps on Danny. Last night she spent a whole 2 hours on her own in her rocker, but the anxiety made me crazy, every time she whimpered in her sleep I wanted to pick her back up. Then, I didn't know what was wrong with her when she did wake up and cry, because it was a cry I hadn't heard before. (I know her distinct cries, "I'm Cold" "Hold Me" "I'm Hungry" "Change my Diaper") It scared me and when I was holding her, her skin felt hot, and I thought she might be running a fever. She wouldn't eat and I was just so scared that she was sick already, I kept running through how she could have picked something up, was it because we let Atreus sniff her? Did someone not wash their hands? Did someone at Danny's work have an illness?(we went to his office earlier that day)... It turned out she was just hot. As soon as we opened the window and turned on the fan, she was fine and slept soundly for another 3-4 hours. So now I know what the "I'm Hot" cry sounds like.
I'm also scared of her belly button. I know, it sounds crazy. But it was bleeding the other day and I didn't know what to do, it was only a very small amount of blood but I don't have an umbilical cord stuck to me so I didn't know what to expect. I can't wait for it to fall off so I can stop avoiding it. I'm scared of hurting her! She's so precious. I love everything about her.

Emma Rose Madison's Birth Story

2011-03-12T06:52:00.000-08:00

Emma Rose Madison’s Birth Story

There are so many details that I cannot clearly remember, but I will do my best, inserting memories given to me by those who were present at her birth.

Saturday (March 5^th) I woke up with terrible pains. My back hurt and my lower abdomen was cramped up. Danny and I decided to kind of take it easy that day, and stayed home and watched way too many hours of television together on the couch. That night Danny wanted to go out to get an external hard drive to put photos on to make room for pictures of Emma on the computers. We went into town and ate dinner together, and after shopping decided to take a walk to try and see if anything started happening. It was raining and really cold out, so we walked around Wal-mart for a while, up and down every isle and around the store. I started to have some contractions and was really uncomfortable so we headed home, and went straight to bed. The contractions continued but were fairly mild so I was able to go to sleep.

At 4:30am Sunday morning, I woke up to a pretty intense contraction. I fell back asleep, and had another one, and another one, and at 5am I decided to start timing them. They were 10 minutes apart, lasting for 90 seconds each. They were slow to peak and quick to end after the peak. At 7:20am I decided I was in quite enough pain to get into the bath tub. The warmth made the pain feel much much less intense, though I still had to “moan” through the high part of a contraction. (moaning is a technique many women use to release pain with contractions.) Danny woke up to the sound and came looking for me, and asked what was wrong, and I said, “I’m pretty sure… I’m in labor.” I told him not to get excited, while this was much more intense and painful than any other time I had been “in labor” that I didn’t want to get excited if nothing were to happen.

After my bath I got into bed, trying to fall asleep between contractions, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t relax enough to let myself sleep. For the next 12-13 hours, contractions continued to last for 90 seconds and were 8-9 minutes apart. I got up to use the restroom at one point, and lost my mucus plug. Just after the plug passed, contractions shot down to 5 minutes apart and were much more intense. They still lasted about 90 seconds each, but peaked almost immediately and stayed strong and slowly faded. Danny suggested walking around, so I started to walk around downstairs, leaning on whatever I could grab on to during contractions. I could walk through only a few of them, but it was exhausting, and I ended up lying back down.

Around 11pm, I was sitting on the toilet laboring, not wanting to move or do anything, when Danny brought me some pants and shoes and put me in the car to go to the hospital. This process of moving me took nearly an hour. On the way to the hospital contractions got closer together and lasted much longer. I had very little time between contractions to breathe. We got to the hospital and Danny had to find a wheel chair for me, and I got scared being in the car on my own, and was having a very long contraction and I panicked, and felt like it was time to have the baby (in retrospect it was probably just stress)

Finally we made it up to the Labor and Delivery department. They kept asking me to pee and I kept telling them I couldn’t. Danny kept trying to get them to read my birth plan. I was so concentrated on getting through each contraction that I didn’t have enough will power to tell them what I wanted. They put me in the delivery room and took off my pants, and put a hospital gown on me, sat me on the bed and told me they were going to check my cervix and I told them “NO NO NO!!” but they did it anyway, and DURING A CONTRACTION none the less!! The stupid nurse couldn’t “find” my cervix, and they had to bring someone else in to do it again!!! Then, even after saying, “Don’t tell me” they said “well you’re only two centimeters dilated. You’ve been doing this for 19 hours?” then they asked me to sign a consent to use an epidural and pitocin, which thankfully I was paying enough attention to refuse, and then they had me sign all of these other forms while I was contracting. Since I didn’t want IV fluid, they only put a saline lock in place and the nurse putting the lock in kept telling me that I needed to calm down and breathe (I was still contracting, I’m telling you the stress made my contractions go nuts). I wanted to throw things at her for telling me that. She kept saying it over and over again, “you need to breathe!”

FINALLY SOMEONE READ OUR BIRTH PLAN, and everyone left the room. They only came in once an hour to take my blood pressure and monitor the baby during one contraction. That’s the only way that I knew time was passing, was because before I could get a grip on anything, they would be back checking on me.

I don’t know how far apart my contractions were for the most part, but after I got in the shower they increased in length. I was having two, three, four minute long contractions, many with double and triple peaks. I kept hearing Andrea say “wow was that a 3 minute contraction?” and “was that double peaking or was that more than one?” none of this I could answer, and I didn’t want to talk at all. After an hour in the shower I had to go back to the bed to monitor the baby again. I remember the nurse making it easy and letting me sit and lean forward while she simply held the monitor to my belly rather than strapping me down.

Now things start getting fuzzy. I can’t remember too much, but I do remember the pain. And the length of contractions. And since they were keeping track on my iphone I could go back and see transition: One 7 minute long contraction, with only a minute break, and then a 19 minute, 6 seconds long contraction with peaks and valleys but no breaks. I was at this point begging for help. I wanted something. I didn’t want an epidural I knew that, but I wanted something for pain. I was begging for it, I stared at my husband’s eyes and begged him for help, I wanted it to stop, it wasn’t fair this contraction was never ending. It had brought me to tears and threw me over the edge of sanity. Finally, the contraction stopped. And I had an amazing 5 minute break.

Andrea and Danny convinced me that Emma needed to drop, and that I should get up and sway. We went into the bathroom so I could pee I think. The nurse brought me apple juice. I loved it, the sugar in the apple juice was amazing, it tasted like heaven. I’ve never enjoyed apple juice so much in my entire life.

I stood in the bathroom, hovered over the sink, while Danny pushed my hips so they would rock back and forth. I remember that with each contraction, I could feel something… my waters were leaking, slowly but they were leaking. I had 5 or 6 minutes between contractions, it was so nice to have a small break between them, and they weren’t as intense as they had been prior, though still horrible. At one point I started throwing up with each contraction, I lost all that apple juice. I didn’t feel sick though, and it actually didn’t bother me to throw up, and I could feel it actually push the baby down.

Then, finally, I said “Uh oh… I HAVE TO POOP!” and sat on the toilet. Andrea told me that if I needed to poop, I probably needed to push. After a minute (or who knows how long) I made my way back to the bed. I was too exhausted to push standing or squatting, I just didn’t have enough energy. Thankfully I had a breakaway bed, though I don’t know how well I used it.

It was still just us, Andrea told me that I could push (even though the doctor wasn’t there) so I did. She coached me on how to push, to keep the air in and not let any power out by exhaling during a push. Still 5 and 6 minutes between contractions, I was able to rest between pushes. A nurse came in to monitor the baby, and I had a pushing contraction. I lifted the blanket and felt something with my hand, and I said “THE BABY IS COMING!!!!!!!!!!!” and the nurse checked, it wasn’t the baby’s head, but my bag of waters.

They told me to stop pushing (though I didn’t want to, that was really hard, my body tried to take over and do it for me). The doctor came in and some stuff happened and suddenly there were a million people staring at my crotch waiting for something to happen. He was anxious, and didn’t seem to like that I had such a long time between pushing contractions. I pushed and pushed, but I didn’t feel like anything was happening, and the bag of waters was still not bursting. He, during a push, PUSHED BACK on my bag of waters!! I think I almost bit his head off when I told him not to touch it, because after that he left and he didn’t come back. A midwife intern came in, and though I never felt my water break I guess it did eventually, it all felt the same, the head, the bag of waters, I thought I was still pushing on the bag of waters when they said her head was coming out and to look down! I looked, and could see black hair. At this point, I couldn’t push any longer, and started to fall asleep during my 5-6 minute break. I felt another contraction coming on, I kept telling myself “I’m not going to push with this one, I’m too tired, I can’t, I’m just going to rest and let this one pass” but my body said “heck no” and pushed for me. And kept pushing.

It burned, I felt like I was on fire and everyone was telling me to push through the pain, and I did just that. I wanted that burn to go away and I knew the only way to make it stop was to get the rest of her head out. I pushed so hard and I pushed with all my might and strength, and then kept pushing some more. Finally her head was out, and I could see the midwife intern pulling the umbilical cord, I could see Emma’s chest, and then her tummy, and then finally her legs, and they said “pull her out mom! Pull her up!” and I tried to reach for my baby but there was no strength left. There was nothing left in me. And all I could say was “I can’t!” with tears in my eyes. I wanted to hold her but I couldn’t reach down and lift her up. So they did it for me, and lay her on my belly.

Immediately after giving birth, thirst hit me like a freight train. Danny fed me ice chips, and it felt so good to have something to swallow. I was so thirsty!

I don’t remember much about the next few minutes, my first moments with my baby, I don’t remember. But we have it on video!! They soon took Emma from me and while they fixed her lungs (her breathing sounded like she was half way under water) I watched the midwife wait for my placenta. She tugged a little on the cord but I told her not to, that I could deliver it, and I did. Much easier than delivering the baby, that’s for sure!

I had two stitches put in, as I had a 2^nd degree tear. The stitches weren’t bad, the shots of local anesthesia weren’t really painful, but the rest of the exam was really painful. A different kind of pain than giving birth. They had to check everything, I had torn in many places, and had I had an epidural they informed me that I would have had several more stitches, but that it would be far too painful a procedure to do on someone without that kind of pain relief. I didn’t want to be holding Emma while they stitched me, because I didn’t want her to feel my stress, so I was ok with them taking her to weigh her and measure. She was 5lbs 9oz, 19 inches long. She was very alert and they told me you could see the difference in her compared to medicated babies. After everyone had left the room, Emma was able to calm down and nurse. She’s been a feeding champ ever since. And she is my heart.

After 37+ hours of labor, and who knows how many hours of pushing, my miracle baby finally came to us. 3 years of trying, and waiting, she was worth the wait.

I still don’t feel like I ever want to give birth again. Thinking about labor makes me want to cry. Having had lasted so long was like torture. I thought it would never end. I know I would do it again in a heart beat if I had a shorter labor, but that 30 hours was the most difficult of my life. Delivery was cake compared to the labor and if it was just that part of it I’d do it a million times. I’m so glad that I was able to give that to my baby though: a natural, unmedicated arrival to this world. I love her.

40 Weeks

2011-03-09T17:42:00.000-08:00

Birth story will be posted when I have a chance to write it. But in keeping with the blog, here is my 40 weeks photo and weight.
Weight: 148 (lots, and lots, of swelling. I didn't even lose as much as Emma weighs after birthing her!)

39 Weeks

2011-03-03T05:48:00.000-08:00

The last week of my pregnancy.

We are excited and nervous. This has been the hardest week. Pain, more pain, and a little more pain accompanied by stress and no sleep. I'm looking forward to meeting my baby girl.

Complications suggest we may be induced tomorrow. This could be my very last maternity photograph during this pregnancy with Emma.

I love you all and thank each and every reader for all of the support that was lent to me during this pregnancy. In the end I'm thankful for the journey and can't wait to meet my little miracle.

Weight: 155
Waist: 40 inches

38 Weeks

2011-02-24T07:10:00.000-08:00

Well, this week was FULL of doctor's appointments and even more false labor. The false labor is starting to get really really frustrating. The other night I labored for about 5 hours, with 75-85 second contractions 7 minutes apart. Then it fizzled out and stopped, just like last time. I'd say three or four times a day since then I get one really "good" contraction. I'm pretty exhausted.

Today I feel like blah, I feel kind of weird and heavy, like I don't even want to use energy to lift my hand to do anything. I did a tiny bit of laundry but I think I'm done for the day.

My hips are hurting a lot. Joints and bones in the lower part of my body get very very VERY sore at night and are very sore when i get out of bed in the morning. Makes me feel like an old woman or something. My belly is very heavy and I don't have much support from core muscles when trying to do things like... sit up.

The other day I had a breast feeding class. There was only one other "student" in there, she was due more than a month after I am due and her belly was at least twice the size of mine. I hardly felt like I looked pregnant next to her. Poor thing must be miserable. And her husband is deployed so she has to labor alone when the time comes!! I can't imagine. I am so blessed to have my husband here with me when Emma decides to make her appearance.

As for Emma - still wiggle worm. Her fluid levels were excellent yesterday so no more concern. My next appointment with my midwife is on the 1st. I'll be a day shy of 39 weeks. I hope she tells me that Emma is coming out. ha!

Weight: 153 (30 lbs)

I'll post the photo later. Not in the mood right now. xoxo

Another appointment

2011-02-18T19:29:00.000-08:00

We had another scan and Emma is tiny, and her amniotic fluid level is low. They measure on an ultrasound in cm how much fluid is present. A "good" amount of fluid is around 25 cm. If you get down to 5cm they induce, because this can be dangerous for the baby. I currently have about 7cm fluid. I will be monitored every 4-5 days from now until either my fluid shrinks below 5 or until baby girl evacuates.
Next appointment is Tuesday morning, followed by a breastfeeding class. I'm secretly hoping I don't make it that long.
Get out, baby.

also, not to sound rude, but don't suggest ways to induce labor. not. helpful. I'm tired of hearing it from Every Single Person around me - go for a walk! do this! do that! try this! this works! ok no it doesn't, otherwise Emma would be here already. And stop telling me to enjoy sleeping now. Do I sleep now? no. I pee. I'm also cranky, can you tell?

37 Weeks

2011-02-16T18:56:00.000-08:00

FULL TERM!

We made it. Emma is full term. Whew!

Nothing but a few contractions since Saturday, other than braxton hicks contractions of course.

So basically this week I'm just really uncomfortable. Hips, back, legs, and belly are achey, ribs are painful, I feel like I'm huffing and puffing for every breath, and oh yeah, I pee a teaspoon every five minutes. Baby's head is really, really down in my pelvis, so sometimes I get sharp pains down there. She likes to keep her hands by her mouth apparently. Her feet stick out of my left side, she really likes to push them way out. Danny grabs them sometimes. When she does that sometimes her little bottom goes way up into my ribs.. that's comfortable.

I took a walk the other day and started contracting pretty bad, so I decided I shouldn't go on walks alone anymore. Well I wasn't alone, Atreus was with me, but she can't do anything if my water breaks or if I go into full blown labor.

Other than that just uncomfortable and waiting.. c'mon little Emma. It's almost 60 degrees out now it's not cold any more, you can come out. :)

p.s. one year ago we were sitting in an office being told we'd never have our own children - Now look at us! I'm trying to get her to evacuate :)

Weight: 152.0 (29lbs)

Happy Valentine's Day!! Oh wait crap your baby isn't growing.

2011-02-14T11:43:00.000-08:00

It's easy to tell someone else not to worry about how their baby is measuring, that this and that and the other thing are inaccurate and that everything is fine. And then, it happens to you. And you're like, well.. crap.

They do the routine measurements, bla bla bla. Everything is good until they check fundal height. Ok this is something I've clearly had a problem with for weeks now. I'm measuring 32cm and "should" be closer to 37cm. They ask me if the baby has dropped, and I'm like, Uh i don't know.. aren't you supposed to be able to know that??
So of course I'm sent in to be measured by ultrasound. Last time there was nothing to be worried about, everything measured "normal" bla bla bla. This time Emma measured between 34-35 weeks instead of close to 37 weeks. So they put me on the monitor. Clearly, I could have told them, she was moving, and as they were strapping the monitor to me Emma kept trying to kick them away. Everything was great on the monitor, she was moving (duh) and her heart rate was great.
They measured the fluid, all is well there.

Emma is "measuring" about 5 pounds, 5 ounces. very small baby right now. I know, these things are inaccurate, and you can't really tell how big or small they are based on an ultrasound. But it's scary, when she's not measuring as big as she should be at this point. I feel like, what am I doing wrong, should I eat more? I don't know how that's really possible, I guess I could take in more protein?

arrrrrrrgh.

Oh yeah, Emma is engaged, meaning, yes, she has dropped. She's ready to come out whenever *real* labor starts.

Next measurement is on Thursday. They want to check her out again.

"Pre" labor

2011-02-12T06:56:00.000-08:00

Prelabor, False Labor, Call it what you will, it sucks.

Thursday night Danny and I were driving up to the temple when I started to have contractions. Being educated and knowing what we know about labor and signs of it and all of that, we weren't concerned and continued up. They started out really consistant and even close together, the first hour or so they were 3 minutes apart and lasting for 1 minute each, though they weren't painful and I was in a very normal and relaxed state of mind. We arrived at the temple and were in the temple with the Youth, doing baptisms for the dead. I wasn't doing any, I was just sitting in as a witness, so I sat on a bench watching. A friend of ours is somewhat of a childbirth expert, or so we like to think :) and was standing on the other side of the room watching me. She came over to me and asked if I was having contractions, that she could see it not only in my face, but could actually see the contractions happening in my belly.
I wasn't timing them or anything at this point but they weren't as frequent as they had been in the car, possibly due to my position or who knows what. Still not painful, though I seem to have gone into some kind of trance with each contraction. Since they weren't painful Danny and I went home and to bed, I wanted to get some sleep just in case.
I had several more painful contractions through the night, but each time was able to go back to sleep. In the morning I remember having several, and then for about half an hour they stopped so I decided to try to take a nap. I was woken up about two hours later by a much more painful contraction. Although they were now farther apart, 8 minutes or so, they hurt and I also had back pain which didn't subside when the contractions did. We were told to be prepared to have the baby within the next 24 hours. I didn't want to believe it, as something just wasn't right, they weren't painful enough or I don't know, so I didn't want to get excited... but as the day went on and the contractions continued, I ended up getting excited, and so did Danny.
between 18 and 22 hours after they started, the contractions stopped, just as suddenly as they had come on. I have had only two or three contractions in the last 17 hours.

It's surprising what "false" labor does to the mind. We were excited, thinking this could be it, she could be coming! Then it stopped suddenly. I feel like a depressed failure. I know that might sound silly, but it's true. I feel like a failure. And all I want is to hold my baby. Before this, I was content waiting another 3 to 4 weeks for her, and now... now that seems like an eternity, especially compared to the thought and idea of holding her within the next 24 hours. My back, hips and pelvis ache. My abdomen was very sore for several hours after the labor stopped. My body worked hard, and then nothing. I suppose it's better than having intense, very painful contractions for so long and then labor stopping. Silver lining... right?

36 Weeks

2011-02-10T10:51:00.000-08:00

Just one more week until I reach "full term"
This week marks the beginning of the 9th month.

Well I'm tired. And I sleep for ... well as many hours a day as I can get in. I feel pretty great, minus the small amount of hip pain that I have (ok well I guess it wouldn't be considered a small amount normally, but since it's a million times less painful than the back pain, I have no reason to complain about it really), and occasionally my back will get really sore.
So far this week I've noticed myself leaning back more while standing, and constantly shifting my weight. I also get really dehydrated over night, and have to drink a full cup of water the moment I wake up. Also, the swelling in my fingers and face go up and down so I just don't wear my rings at all any more, just to avoid having them get stuck. Oh and my hands SWEAT a lot.
Emma's movements have slowed down some, though when she does feel like moving it's kind of painful. I feel like she's going to break through, and it hurts! Still I try not to tell her to "stop" because I really don't want her to stop moving - that would be bad.
I have been able to keep fairly busy through the day, only able to accomplish a small amount since I go slow and get worn out very easily, but none the less it has been a million times better being out of bed or off the couch and actually able to move around, as slow as it may be.
Other than all of that, we're pretty much ready to go, hospital bag packed, car seat installed, all baby clothing/items are washed and ready for her. I've been cleaning out closets and getting rid of stuff all over the house to prepare for her arrival. Either that or it's this mysterious phenomenon called "nesting."
Weight: 149
Waist: 38"

I let you see my love handles, and my stretch marks. they DO exist! (hahahhah)

Don't seem to be growing much. Oh well I don't look like a boat!

My belly button is disappearing! Sometimes it pops out when Emma plays with it.

35 Weeks

2011-02-02T19:00:00.000-08:00

I feel great. Now that the strep is going away. Emma is great, I'm great, I love my baby girl. Also, contractions suck. I think that's all I have to update for now! :)
Oh and I have stretch marks on my hips now. Boooooooo!

I had to add this one because Atreus is amazing.

Doctor's Appointment - 34+5

2011-01-31T14:24:00.000-08:00

I wanted to record this before I forgot.

Danny met me at the hospital for Emma's appointment. I am still pretty sick and felt very weak and yucky, and was disappointed when the Doctor was late, because all I wanted to do was go home and lie down.

Well they saw that my Fundal height was low last time, and that I had been having back pain, and that I had several contractions on Saturday when I went to the hospital for strep, and wanted to check for dilation, so I had to get all undressed and stuff which is an extra chore. But they wanted to make sure I wasn't going to go into preterm labor, which was fine with me because that is something I was worried about as well.

We talked for a little while about different things, namely the stupid glucose test that I still didn't take (and still don't plan on taking). From what I understood it was more like something they were held accountable for more than them actually worrying that I HAVE Gestational Diabetes.

Anyway they checked my cervix and it was still closed, wohoo! and she said she could feel baby's head. So Baby is head down! She also felt baby in belly, and looks like she's head down, butt up, laying on my right side, with her body folded in half so her feet are kicking up by her head instead of in my ribs. She's no longer transverse! She wanted to see if this had helped my fundal height increase so she did that measurement - 33cm!! YAY! All worries put to rest.

Since I've gained 25 pounds, she wasn't worried that I hadn't gained in the past 3 weeks, and said that one week I'll probably shoot up 3 or 4 pounds and not to freak out if that happens. Also, we were recommended to a Midwife for all future appointments, since we plan on a natural birth she said this would help us to achieve our goal without as many "interventions."

Other than the Strep Throat, I feel pretty good, and happy. :)

34 Weeks

2011-01-27T10:15:00.000-08:00

34 Weeks. Wow.

This week has been much better than the previous 2 or 3 weeks, that's for sure. Emma has moved and continues to flip flop around, I no longer feel her head and behind on my sides, but more in an up and down, maybe diagonal way. This is much easier on my back. Though it still hurts an enormous amount if I try to do a lot.
We were able to get the nursery set up and the baby's bedding washed this week. It looks so cute and I am so excited to have that done!
I really wanted to wash her clothes and blankets/swaddles and diapers this week, but I have decided to wait until after the shower that the women at Church are throwing me on Feb 2nd. I almost gave in and did some yesterday until I got a new box full of baby clothes, and decided I should wait.
I don't know why, but I feel like this baby is coming. It's scary and makes me want to do a million things at once but I'm not physically capable of that.

I haven't put on any weight in about 2 weeks, and that worries me a little. Since my uterus was small (and still is, I measured it yesterday, still 27cm) the doctor said that continued weight gain is really important. I got on the scale today and I'm still 148.0. I have an appointment on Monday, 34 weeks 5 days, and I guess we will see at that point what the next step is. It really scares me, there are so many things to watch for. Luckily, she's still a wiggle worm and I can feel her all the time.

Weight: 148.0 (total weight gain: ~25 pounds)
Waist: 38 inches

33 Weeks

2011-01-20T16:57:00.000-08:00

One Week Closer!

Hallelujah! One more week behind me. This week has been full of tears and back pain. And some more tears. I'm really starting to see the irrational-crying come around.
And another new development: Skin tags. I didn't know what they were at first but i don't like them! I hope they just fall off after Emma is born. They aren't very big or gross looking but I would rather not have them.
So this week I have decided that I don't hate being pregnant, I love having Emma with me all the time - but I'm disappointed in my own body. I'm disappointed that I can't seem to hold my baby in there in a comfortable way, and that my body is so weak that I'm suffering 24/7 from pain. I don't blame Emma at all. If it weren't for the back pain I could handle the pregnancy and enjoy it more fully, but at this point I say " I can't wait to be done with pregnancy" so I can get rid of that back pain. It is debilitating and I am useless. I can't wait to be a mommy and have Emma here in my arms.
Also- Emma is still in the wrong position, which could be causing a great deal of the back pain. She is what they refer to as "Transverse" meaning that she is laying sideways, head on my right side, butt on my left side, rather than up and down. This position is far less than ideal. A transverse baby cannot be delivered vaginally. I wondered why I never got kicked in the ribs, but now I know why - her feet aren't up there!
At our last appointment, my belly (aka my uterus) was measuring 5 weeks behind. Instead of measuring like a 32 -weeks pregnant belly, it was stuck at 27 weeks, which is where it was last time at my 28 week appointment. This had the doctors worried, even though Emma was clearly doing a dance routine while they were measuring. They did an ultrasound and found that even though my uterus is small, Emma is not. She's just laying sideways and weighs 4 pounds. a perfect and healthy weight for this gestation.
Goal for this week: Flip the baby. There are some exercises I can try to get her to move. They are impossible to do on my own, but luckily Danny is here to help me :)

Weight: 148.5 (EEEEEEEK! It's freakin' me out.)
Waist: 37.75 inches

Sorry, my card reader is broken! I can't get the photo from my camera on to the computer. This mobile upload will have to do, I know it's cruddy!

32 Weeks

2011-01-12T07:33:00.000-08:00

Ok. NOW I feel 8 months pregnant. *sigh*

I've gotta say, I'm pretty exhausted. I could literally sleep all day, and still be tired and want more hours in the day for more naps. Snow outside doesn't help, because I can't actually go anywhere to do anything.. not that I am physically capable of doing that right now anyway.
You see, yesterday my back gave up. It had been painful on Sunday, and the intensity of the pain grew day by day. Monday I took a bath (I haven't had a bath in YEARS) to try to ease my pain, and it did help. I felt good for about 20 minutes - long enough to get ready for bed and snuggle up comfortably in a supportive position. Tuesday the pain was raging from the moment I got out of bed. Before, actually, since I get up several times a night to use the restroom. I got up about 4 times and I think the 3rd or 4th time I got up I noticed in the mirror that my belly looked huge, and it took me a while to get back into the bed. Anyway I got up in the morning and scooted down stairs to eat breakfast. I ate cereal. I sat around trying not to move too much for a while and got hungry again, so i reheated pizza, the easiest thing I could find. I ate the pizza and scooted back up the stairs to bed. I was stuck in bed until Danny got home, when he rubbed my back and I ended up going back to sleep for a little while. I came back downstairs and decided the pain was too much to sit upright, so I went up to take a nice hot shower, to help the pain a little bit.
I was doing alright, I was able to get my pants on myself and scoot back down two flights of stairs to get socks (all of the clean folded laundry is in the basement, since I can't carry it up myself, the "man cave" seems to have turned into my closet). Well this is when my back decided it had had enough. I went to climb back up the stairs to the main level and I got stuck. I couldn't force myself to take one more step up the stairs. I leaned on my knees, and put my hands down, attempting to climb the stairs as a child, or a dog, would, but still I couldn't move. Danny had to come and help me up the stairs and onto the couch. It was painful and i just didn't want to move. I didn't move for several more hours, Danny brought me dinner on the couch, and I sat. As comfortably as i could. I decided to go back to bed around 11, and Danny helped me climb the stairs, supporting the majority of my weight on him.
I spent the night fighting my instincts to sleep on my back, in the reclined position, as i do nearly every night as it's the easiest position for me to fall asleep in. Everything I've read about back pain in pregnancy says that if it hurts, don't lay on it. Anyway I can move this morning so I think it may have helped to sleep on my sides. I plan on getting a belly brace, a support that helps distribute weight of the belly across the back, rather than all being supported by the lower back (where the ligiments of the uterus attach).

Other than that Emma is still a Dancing Queen. I don't have enough mobility to take my own maternity photo and I have no desire to try to get undressed so I can weigh in today, so I'm skipping all of that. Instead, here's a "what your baby looks like at 32 weeks" diagram... thing. Cute baby.

31 Weeks

2011-01-05T15:21:00.000-08:00

Ahh 8 Months Pregnant.

Weird.. I don't "feel" 8 months pregnant, though I do feel very pregnant.

So - This week - Danny lives! He's up and about, going to work and all kinds of good stuff. He painted a little bit yesterday in the nursery and it's coming along! Not finished yet though. I have to admit I'm getting a little impatient. It might be different if the baby's WHOLE ROOM weren't taking up the entire hallway but it is. And it has been like this for 3 weeks now. Danny is not to blame because he was sick for 2 full weeks. If I could paint... but I can't. It's another one of those things you "can't do!" while pregnant.

I was just telling my friend how I can't wait to get down on my knees and bleach scrub the bathroom. I haven't been able to do it in 7 months (weird!) and I just want to do it! Danny cleans the bathrooms sometimes, but you know how it's just different when you clean things yourself?

Also - we've reached one year - we've lived in Kentucky for one. Full. Year. WOW! Scary!

Now.. Pregnant stuff. I'll leave out the weird gross stuff that no one tells you until you go through it, and stick to the less ick-factor parts. Restless legs - something I suffered greatly from in the first trimester - is back. I just want to STRETCH THEM but that hurts, as the muscles cramp up with you stretch them, weird. Insomnia - I'm pooped, and not really sleeping well at night, though I'm sure I get some sleep, my mind wanders at a million miles an hour. Different pains: Braxton hicks contractions have begun to take on a whole new realm of feeling. Before the tummy would just get hard and it was a little uncomfortable for 30 seconds at a time. Now if I'm standing up doing something active when I have one it hurts a little and I have to sit down and relax for a little while. Another pain - some sort of sharp stabbing pain near my bladder or something, it's hard to tell where things are now-a-days. It only happens for a few minutes at a time, max, but it hurts quite a bit. I've been told this happens when baby pushes on different nerves. Oh fun. Sciatic hasn't been AS bad this week but I've also not been doing much this week... minus keeping my kitchen spotless. This is my goal - to keep the kitchen spotless, even when everything else is in disarray, at least I have one room I always have under control. It's helped me to feel better about not being able to do everything in one day. I've also been doing very well for 3 weeks on maintaining the laundry. It's all cleaned folded and put away each Monday.

I've come up with a plan for the next 9 weeks - learn to crochet. It'll keep me busy and I'll be learning a new skill that I can actually use. Fun! We'll see how that actually works out though.

Weight: 144.0 lbs
Waist: 37 3/4 inch

30 Weeks

2010-12-29T13:42:00.000-08:00

Woohoo! 30 weeks! It feels like a milestone, 75% done with this pregnancy. Whew! I can't wait to meet my baby girl.

Danny is still out of it, so the nursery is still only half painted and all of baby's stuff is still in the hallway. His fever is broken though and he's on the mend, I just wish I could speed up the healing!
Time seems to be standing still this week, I think because Danny has been home for a week and a half, and sitting there doing absolutely nothing does not help time pass by. Danny had a spinal tap, where they take spinal fluid out to test for meningitis - from the same place in the spine as where an epidural would go. He is experiencing what is called a Spinal headache, a headache that is excruciating while sitting or standing upright, but not as bad when lying down putting pressure on the spine. This is something that is very common with spinal punctures and can last several weeks. Watching him go through it, and seeing just how miserable he has been with this headache for a week, made me wonder how many women live with this after having an epidural, and is the epidural really worth it? To have some temporary pain relief that is truely temporary pain, and in return gain a headache and possibly a backache for such a long time afterword? The headache has rendered him useless, he doesn't even like to get up to use the restroom because his head pounds... imagine doing that with a newborn baby! His sister also had spinal headaches that lasted several weeks after her son was born, and continues to feel back pain to this day - her son is almost 2 years old. Now this obviously does not happen to everyone, but again, would it be worth the risk?
Obviously I had already planned to have a natural birth, but seriously, this gives me more gumption to stick to the plan, and gave Danny a reason to stand behind my decision, other than the fact that he was just going along with whatever I wanted. He now says "Never have an epidural! I hope you never have to have a needle in your back!"
On with the pregnancy stuff. This week I've been way more tired, sleeping for ridiculous periods of time at night and during the day. I've also had a few days of feeling "unwell" but nothing *knockonwood* has come of it thankfully. I've also been experiencing a few headaches here and there.
Still eating every two hours, probably the only reason I wake up from naps is to eat. Our grocery bill went up a good amount because of this. It's all for baby!
Also, the pain.in.my.hips. OH MY GOODNESS! I feel like my legs are going to pop off, out of their sockets, because my hips are stretching out or something and it hurts! I talked to my mom about this and she said "I know honey, and that's why the last part of pregnancy feels like it lasts the longest." I am SO glad that I am not working because there have been a few days where it's almost too painful to stand. I've also had instances of back pain and more sciatic pain.
Her kicks make me giggle, and her wiggles take my breath away. I love her. I can't WAIT TO MEET HER!

Weight: 145.5 pounds
Waist: 37inches

29 Weeks Pregnant

2010-12-22T12:08:00.000-08:00

This week has been rather productive... sort of. :)

We were able to get the paint for the nursery (we went with Rain Forest, as I had wanted spring breeze and Danny wanted the darkest color we went in the middle) and Danny got about 1/2 the nursery painted before he came down with the flu, so it's half way painted... and a liiiittle bright. I think we're so used to the tan and brown walls throughout our house that it's quite shocking to walk into a green room.

As far as the pregnancy goes, things are well. Still bouts of nausea here and there. I started doing my kick counts as the doctor asked, and I'm counting between 100-150 kicks an hour. She's really really active and I've decided not to count kicks anymore for the full hour because quite frankly it's a waste of time. I count how long it takes her to get to 10 kicks and then I quit counting. (It's supposed to take under 2 hours for the baby to get to 10 before you call the doctor. For me, it usually takes less than 4 minutes.) I'm also HUNGRY and eating every two to three hours, and I can't do with just a cracker or something, it has to be substantial. It's getting expensive and rediculous, as I'm making food all day long.
Another development for this week, though I've noticed it here and there before this week, now it's happening every single day, all day, and all night -- let down... colostrum. I've read and read about how normal this is before the baby comes and apparently not everyone has it before baby, but those who do seem to be able to establish a pretty good milk supply soon after the baby is born, so as bothersome as it may be (and as much as I have to wash out my bra) I take it as a blessing and a good sign.
I've also been finding it hard to sleep in, and yet two to three hours after waking up in the morning I need a nap. I'm not a naps kind of person so sometimes I just fall asleep on accident while I'm sitting down or something. I've forced myself to go back to bed to nap twice this week since I know now that the sleep is coming to get me no matter how much I try to avoid it.
Still no belly stretch marks and my belly button is still an innie, although the skin around it is pretty blue...
Danny and I have just about everything we need for the baby now. We are building our stock of cloth diapers, and so far we have 12, which is excellent. I'm still trying to decide what kind of pump to get, and we have a few gift cards left just in case there is something we forgot about. Also, for those in the KY area, my baby shower will be on the 31st January, hosted by Carrie Beth & Kara Beth. I will be 35 weeks along at that time. Hopefully Emma doesn't come before that!!!! I'd like to hold on to her until at least 37 weeks.

Weight 142.5
Waist: 36" and a little bit extra

28 Weeks

2010-12-17T09:23:00.001-08:00

This marks the beginning of my 7th Month, how scary is that?! That means 6 months are done, 28 weeks are completed. Woah.
Bring on the anxiety! And excitement!

This week Danny has been home for most of. It's made a huge difference in comfort and emotional security. He's been super sweet and when he's home from work he doesn't really let me do anything at all, even though I've been doing it all on my own since he left. He wants to take care of me while he's around. I love that. :)
A big development for this week - Hiccups. Not my own hiccups, but Emma's hiccups! I'd been feeling them for a little while but wasn't sure what they were. Danny was able to feel the hiccups on Saturday as well, which is super cool. I showed him how she loves to dance when I play gospel music and read her scriptures out loud.
Still "suffering" from indigestion/acid reflux. My ribs absolutely hate me when I try to lie down at night and I spend a lot of my time in bed tossing, though I am not sure I can call it tossing more than turning over slow-as-molasses. It gets much worse when my bladder is full for some reason.
We had another birthing class this week which was really fun, we got to practice relaxation through pretend contractions, which were painful and it was difficult to get the hang of the first time around because all you want to do when someone is hurting you is tense up and pull away, but it was very helpful in knowing that the pain just doesn't feel as bad when you finally relax. During some of our relaxation we got into some trouble for laughing too much, Danny loves to make me laugh, and that is NOT good when you're trying to get through a contraction, since the whole belly tenses up during laughter.
Last night we saw the labor/delivery episodes of the Office, and Danny started to freak out. He really got nervous about the upcoming event, and when I mentioned that we still had about 12 weeks to prepare he freaked out even more, not realizing that it was that close. I'm more nervous about taking care of a newborn than I am about labor and delivery. I'm ready to put the car seat in the car and start preparing for what I'll need in our hospital bag, and writing up our birth plan.

I had a doctor's appointment today, and they were pretty upset that I declined to be tested for gestational diabetes. Quite frankly I'm not at risk for it and I hate having unnecessary testing done. I've turned down lots of tests since the start of my pregnancy and so far.. so good. Really though it gave me a good preview of the battle I'm going to have going in to that hospital during labor, trying to deliver naturally and without a constant heart monitor on and without an IV. Luckily Danny will be there and so will my good friend Andrea, who will be there to deal with the doctors and nurses while I'm focusing on contracting. She is also the instructor of our Bradley classes, actually.

Weight: 141.5 (total weight gain: 18.5lbs)
Waist: 36 inches

Paint Color

2010-12-10T10:41:00.000-08:00

We of course had no trouble choosing Emma's name, crib, bedding, or anything like that, but when it comes to painting the nursery I just can't decide!

Here is her bedding next to the paint choices. Help!

Right now the walls are this color brown/tan/whatever:

27 Weeks

2010-12-08T15:17:00.000-08:00

And I've made it!!!! 3rd and FINAL TRIMESTER!!!!!! YESSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It freaks me out that I could have a baby at any time now... and that in 10 weeks I will reach "full term", Yikes!

Some days I feel like an elephant and some days I can't even tell I'm any more pregnant than just a little bloating. As it gets colder, Emma seems to hide deeper and deeper in my spine, sucking in my "belly" with her. This is great for fitting into clothing, but not so much for comfort.
The past few days I've been getting horrible sciatic pains, down my left side, which is where it bothered me pre-pregnancy when I would do things like vacuum and mop the entire house in one day. Bending, folding, standing, for 5-8 hours each day, 6 days a week... I'm coming to realize that I really will not be able to work much longer, not in the field that I am in. Because I stand up all day, my risk of premature delivery is much higher if I continue to work as I am. I'd like to cook her for as long as possible, s~~o I'm about to put in 4 weeks notice next week~~ *edit* I quit today. It's not worth jeopardizing full term. That means I will have about 8 weeks to get the house ready before my 40 week due date.
I've heard from many- many expectant mothers that once maternity leave starts, things don't slow down... because there is so much to do to prepare for her arrival.. and there is! Every stitch of everything has to be washed in baby friendly detergent, the carpet needs cleaned in the nursery, not to mention it needs painted.. the crib needs to be put together and we have to figure out whether or not we need more storage for the baby's room.

As far as symptoms go, the acid isn't as bad (knock on wood) as it was last week, as I don't have to sit upright to fall asleep. I've been having a small amount of vanilla ice cream before bed which has been helpful in reducing the acid, and I seem to stay asleep much longer if I eat in the short moments before going to sleep. Swelling isn't as bad this week, I'd say mostly because I've been eating at home rather than grabbing some salty fast food on my way from point A to point B. I still see it in my face more than anything, but probably because everything else has grown so much I probably wouldn't notice it there anyway.
Comfort is somewhat of a struggle, since I'm a "ball up" kind of girl, whether it's sitting in my computer chair or watching tv, or laying in bed reading, I like to have my legs to my chest... and I just can't do that anymore. My belly seems to get harder and harder, I can't squish it much anymore.
My ribs, lower back, and hips just ache in stabbing pain when I wake up in the night or in the morning. I also need to be careful when I try to get up out of bed now, because I've hurt my back trying to sit up.

Emma's movements are beginning to slow down. This could be because of her position, I can't feel her right up next to my skin anymore and when i do feel movement, it's very internal. Within the next few weeks it should slow even more as she begins to run out of room, or so I've read.

I can't wait to meet my baby girl. Every time I see a little girl at the store or while I'm out, my heart swells. I can't wait to hold her in my arms, to have her with me. And Danny is going to make such a wonderful Daddy.. he is such an amazing husband and I really miss him. Those massages and little gestures make a huge difference in my physical comfort.

Emotionally I'm a wreck. I'd say my mood swings are in pretty much full gear right now, it could have a lot to do with the fatigue.. but I'll burst out crying out of no where, and I'll get really really angry at little things, and annoyed, oh I'm on a short fuse.

I cried buckets when I got a gift from my mother in law - money for a winter coat that will fit during pregnancies - after she saw that I was struggling with buttoning up my coats. My mom got me a gift card also for maternity clothes, and I cried while on the phone with her talking about that. I'm thankful for their generosity.

One more thing, helloooo appetite. I've found the "hungry"!

Weight - 140 lbs
Waist - 35 inches

p.s. yes those are still normal pants... with a rubber band.

26 Week VLOG

2010-12-01T17:46:00.001-08:00

I did a VLOG and for some reason when I uploaded it to YouTube it messed up the sound-video, so it looks like an old dubbed Japanese movie. :)

Pregnancy and Depression

2010-11-27T16:36:00.001-08:00

While pregnant, emotions run high and I could cry at the drop of a hat or get pretty ticked off for no reason at all. It's really starting to remind me of depression. The smallest malice seems like it takes over my life. I don't mean to complain about everything, especially knowing how hard we worked to get here, but it occupies my whole life. I'm constantly in aching pain or discomfort. When I lay down and am able to get comfortable without the burn of acid reflux or suffocation of my heavy baby, and Emma wiggles and squirms it is such a lovely feeling. I could lay for hours just like that. Every morning when Emma kicks me awake it gives me a big smile, until I realize just how much i have to pee and then the aches begin to take over and cloud my mind. I always wanted to be one of those women who love pregnancy, who loves every moment. I feel like rather than a "glow" I carry dark bags under my eyes and pale skin, a fat behind and love handles that overflow from the back of my pants. It's difficult and depressing to see the shape of my body change, I can no longer wear those pants or fit in that shirt, the numbers on the scale are too scary to want to see. At first it was exciting, YES! I had finally gained a pound. But as the number reached closer to 20 pounds... it started to make me feel quite yucky. I feel like a blob when I can't close my jacket, when I can't button up my winter coat.

The depression or whatever it is escalates when Danny is gone. I don't have his constant companionship around, I don't have his helping hands, support, or smile to help me pick myself up when I'm feeling overwhelmed or down. Being so far away from family and from the friends I have who truly care is daunting... sometimes I feel like I need more support and just don't know where to find it. I've been trying to stay very busy, to keep distracted, by working more hours and taking on more activities, but really I think I'm just wearing myself out. I'm worn down. My house is a mess, which I feel is a direct reflection of how I'm doing. When we're happy, when things are going great, when I'm having the best time of my life or my days, this house is clean, neat, and orderly. When I feel things spiral out of control, they do.. along with the neat and tidiness of the house I live in. And all I do is look at the mess and think, "Man this place is disgusting, how do I live here?" (I'm probably painting a much worse picture than it actually is, nothing like on Hoarders or anything... but quite messy.)

Anyway if anyone reads this blog who is trying or knows what it's like to try so hard to conceive, please know I am not ungrateful. Emma is the most incredible gift I have ever been given, and I love her so very much. Pregnancy is tough - especially when you go through it alone.

25 Weeks Pregnant

2010-11-25T13:56:00.000-08:00

Just one week away from the 6 months mark, and 2 weeks from entering the third trimester... here I am sitting on 25 weeks of pregnancy with my now large behind. :)

This week has been another insane one, filled with 8+hour work days among other extra curricular activities, I feel I've been swallowed whole. My exhaustion level goes beyond just feeling "tired" once again.

To make fatigue even more pronounced, Emma has learned how to kick so hard that it wiggles my entire belly, and not just a little bit. I've tried to catch it on camera a few times but I can never seem to catch her in the act. She's learned somehow to sleep most of the time while I'm up walking around at work, and have a dance-a-thon at night while I'm trying to sleep. Luckily it's only she who is affecting my sleep and not Danny's absence. Because I'm so tired, I've had no trouble falling asleep once Emma stops practicing Karate on my organs. It's still pretty cool, even if frustrating when she kicks from midnight to 4am, to see the belly aerobics going on, and it's pretty much the most amazing miracle I've witnessed.

Acid reflux is still torturing me and I feel that this is something that is going to stick with me until Emma is born. Since I can feel her kicking up close to my rib cage now I know my stomach is just being smashed by her gigantic body. Knowing how long she is, and how much she weighs (nearly a pound and a half) can give you a pretty good idea of why everything is smushed, especially looking at how much my belly doesn't actually stick out...

I've once again hit up the local TJ-Maxx store for a $7 bra, the size made my eyes nearly pop out of my head. Then a girlfriend of mine told me that not only are they not done growing, but to expect them to fill up two more cup sizes once the milk comes in when the baby is born.... and that this can happen literally over night.

I've tried to add some different kinds of vegetables to my food supply, so far I've tried eating more sweet potato, which goes over pretty well, and asparagus, which i normally love but right now it's just "ehh". I have carrots and baby tomatos to try snacking on next, though I've never liked tomatoes. Who knows, maybe I will now.

Weight 137.5 (I've only gained half pound over the past two weeks, but I put that down to being oh so overly active 7 days of the week)

24 Weeks

2010-11-22T08:28:00.000-08:00

Even though I'm only 2 days away from my 25 week mark I hadn't had time between Wednesday and now to actually sit down and write this until today. So I'll try to remember only things that happened in week 24.

Started out with my 24 week appointment. We had a little ultrasound of Emma, she was quite a turd, not cooperating and sticking her tongue out at us, and then she started chewing on her fingers, she yawned, she kicked her long legs around and slapped her knee a bunch of times. She kept kicking the Ultrasound tech, it was kind of funny.
Then we went in to see the nurse practicioner, who tried to find Emma's heart beat but Emma wouldn't stop moving, and based on what she could find she "guessed" her heart rate was still up near 150 which is good. I was still measuring about 4 days behind, surprise surprise! Emma weighs over a pound and is 13 inches long from head to feet. According to the doctor's scale I was 141 although when I weighed in at home it was still 137.5. According to the numbers that they have, (starting weight 122) I had already gained 19 pounds. I've decided to just ignore that. Because it's totally scary.
I have 107 days left of pregnancy, YIKES! That's just over 3 months until Emma arrives! And in two weeks, I'll be in the 3rd trimester..

Ok so things that changed in week 24: Acid reflux has become a major issue. It doesn't matter what I eat or drink, my throat just burns with acidic "burps" which aren't really burps but kind of feels like it should be until it's not... best way I can explain it.
No longer interested in eggs, or burritos. or much food for that matter, though I'm still trying to eat well it's totally bumming me out that it's not summer time and there aren't any good summer fruits in season right now. I did buy some frozen pineapple and peaches to thaw and eat but they just don't taste anything similar to the "real" ripe in season thing. *sigh*
Still no milk for me. That's an instant "sick" if you know what I mean.

Well that's all for week 24, I'll be updating again in 2 or 3 days for week 25.

23 Weeks Pregnant

2010-11-10T12:11:00.000-08:00

Well, there isn't much going on that hasn't been talked about before. Still dealing with b-acne, still tired. Still can't drink milk at all.

Some new developments: Itchy belly & lower back - I read that this is from the skin stretching
Stretch marks - in random places, not on the belly (yet?) though.
Feeling Heavy - some days emma feels so heavy, when I roll over in bed or try to get up.

Nutrition still pretty good, still not very interested in vegetables though I've tried to enjoy them. It's strange, I love veggies usually. Fruit is still my passion currently. Emma still flips and wiggles all the time, it seems to be more and more on a schedule though than it was before which is awesome. I'm thinking of keeping a little note of what time of the day I'm feeling her move to try to figure out if she has a sleep pattern just yet.

Danny has been really wonderful about giving massages and rubs when things start to get sore. I don't know what I'm going to do without him around for almost 4 weeks!

It's also getting close to maternity clothes shopping. My jeans (as I'm sure you'll notice in the photo below) do not fit right anymore and my shirts roll up my belly unless I wear one of my two maternity tank tops under them. Also, I have a feeling my belly button is going to pop out here in the next month or so, it's getting pretty shallow... and I thought I had a deep belly button!
Waist : 34.5 inches
Weight: 137.0

Possibly the first craving

2010-11-02T18:21:00.000-07:00

I was just telling Danny that it would be so easy to decide what to eat if I knew what I wanted. A friend of mine ate nothing but corn dogs her entire pregnancy, because it's all she wanted. I also know some women who have eaten lots and lots of one thing over everything else, and I was wondering when that would be me... well, ladies and (well probably only ladies..) here is the one thing i've been wanting to eat, over and over and over:

Egg burritos.

Let me tell you what goes into these suckers...

First, a giant flour tortilla. Cheese. Rice. Beans. Potatoes. Scrambled eggs. Onion and Cilantro. Salsa. Sour Cream.

If I hadn't just had one and was full to the brim, I could make and eat another one right now. Not as easy as heating up a corn dog but... soo delicious. Today I had one with a glass of pineapple juice and Emma did flips over it (well probably from the sweetness of the pineapple juice).

MMmmm......

Anatomy Scan

2010-11-01T08:34:00.000-07:00

So today was my "20 week" anatomy scan, even though I'm "supposed" to be almost 22 weeks along (21+5).

Emma is still a girl, WOHOOO! She weighs in at 0.9lbs. She was hiccuping and waving, scratching her face, and kickboxing. She is giant, her head is down near my pelvic bone and her feet are up at my belly button. She has all 10 fingers and all 10 toes! I saw her profile, looks like a Sherman/Runcie style profile to me! To me it looks like she has looong arms and legs, but who really knows until she pops out.

I'm due (once again) on March 13th instead of March 9th. I knew they shouldn't have changed it way back when, I had a pretty much spot on knowledge of when she was conceived, there really wasn't much room for error since I only visited Danny for a few days...

I cried quite a bit this time, I don't know why, just so happy when I see my baby. It was really cool, also, to see her kick and feel it at the same time. Sometimes she would bounce and it felt like a big thwamp! She kicked the ultrasound wand thingy a few times and it made the US tech giggle. She said, "She is very active!" (duh) I told her She's like this every day.

Here she is, in all her beauty. I think she looks beautiful already. (I'm not sure what the shadow over one side of her face is about though, I didn't actually see THAT when looking at the US screen, just her face. Maybe she was moving when the pic was taken.)

21 Weeks

2010-10-30T19:06:00.000-07:00

Whew. What a week!

During the last week, we have flown back and forth to California, which let me tell you - is ridiculously uncomfortable while pregnant. The swelling is outrageous, as well as the dehydration factor. I still can't pull my rings off.

What's going on with the pregnancy? Emma is now kicking much higher than before, once kicking my belly button. Her arms/legs come out from all sides of the belly. I had an appointment this morning, my 20 week appointment, even though I'm 21 weeks just because of the trip we had to push it back. Shortest appointment ever, really. Measured my uterus - I'm measuring about 20 weeks right now, I'm not surprised they change their minds every time I go in. Found Emma's heart beat, racing around 150bpm. Blood pressure was alright, 119/74, weight was good, with tennies and a sweater jacket on I was at 136lbs.

Signs and symptoms - not much going on. Still pretty acne ridden, which isn't cute. I think I felt a braxton hicks last night, on my right side. It was kind of weird, but not painful or anything. Then after the plane ride and everything fun like that, I was really really sore and I still am, my whole body hurts and aches. A little nauseous but I haven't gotten sick again since last Tuesday when I couldn't keep anything down, so that's a big plus!!

I'm pretty sure Emma is on a schedule. She kicks at the same times each morning and in the afternoon, does dances around lunch time, and loves sweets, because every time I eat anything with sugar in it she does flips and goes bonkers.

In other news, the baby shower was FABULOUS! I got some great little things for Emma, outfits, hair bows, blankies, bibbs, bottles, toys, slippers, along with some fabulous gift cards. We came home to some big boxes, a stroller/car seat combo, a rocking sleeper, and a boppy! Also in the mail, a doppler from a friend! I was hoping to have it before traveling home so my Mom could hear the heart beat but it came the day after we left. She sent it to me after I had some anxiety a few weeks ago when Emma stopped moving for several hours.

Current Weight (on my scale):134 Waist: 33inches

20 Weeks Pregnant

2010-10-19T20:15:00.000-07:00

Does time fly, or does time fly?
I can't believe I'm half way there... in 20 weeks I'll be saying hello to my little baby girl. Top that off with our 5 year anniversary just at the half way point in pregnancy, it's a very exciting day.

This week Danny and I participated in our first child birth class. It was really awesome, very informative, and I've already learned so much. I've been doing my squats and stretches in preparation for labor, and Danny is working on relaxation techniques. I think it'll help the both of us when the time comes. My Bradley Class instructor told me that soft tissue injuries hurt more than labor - so that broken ankle I had after prancing around in japan after a pedicure in flip flops in the rain she said probably was a worse pain to endure than labor itself. She had nearly the same thing happen, a bone in her foot broke, which she said was worse than labor. I think it's really the fear of labor that is probably worse for most people than the act of labor itself. You hear horror stories and are told you need the pain meds to help with the pain, we're such weenies now a days! This is what our body was made for, after all. I'm excited to experience it all. It's only a few hours of "pain" to endure for something so wonderful.

Let's see, other than that, Emma still moves, she responds to Danny's voice, and doesn't like it when my bladder is full. She'll kick it until I go to the restroom. She loves to dance and do somersaults in there especially first thing in the morning. She's kicked hard enough to wake me up in the middle of the night, but still Danny hasn't felt her movement yet.

I had a cold last week, which brought on the morning sickness again, that was fun. And working has been difficult, I can't eat much while I'm there and I get to this sick, hungry, dizzy point.... and if it's too busy or there aren't enough employees there I'm not allowed to take a break. (which is crap, makes me miss California law.) I've started keeping track of protein intake for Bradley class, we're recommended to eat 90g of protein each day, so far I've done really well maintaining about 100g of protein each day, give or take a few grams. I keep the protein bars and drinks handy if I'm missing some at the end of the day I'll eat or drink one of those before bed. I've noticed lately I'm not eating as much fruit as I was during the summer fruit season, so I started to use frozen fruits in smoothies.

I suppose that's about all for this week, until next time! xoxo

Weight: 131.0 (haven't kept anything down today though.. last night I was at 132.5.)

19 Weeks

2010-10-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

The biggest thing this week: Movement.

Emma baby must be a gymnast in the making. It started with intense poking and some prodding feelings. Then one morning as I was laying in bed, belly exposed, she started kick/punching pretty hard, and all of a sudden a little arm or elbow poked out. It was SO WEIRD! It was alien like, to see something trying to poke my tummy!
Then today I was sitting in the waiting room at WIC (a program for lower income families, providing them with nutritional foods for the women, infants and children in the household. Things like milk, cheese, cereal, whole wheat breads, eggs, and fresh produce) and I could feel Emma squirming around like crazy. After a few continuous minutes of this romping around I lay my fingers across my tummy and she did some kind of somersault against my fingers! I could feel her whole little body roll against my fingers. It was AMAZING!

There is this realization coming over me, there's a little something growing in there and I'm making it!!!

A little bit of sickness hits every once in a while, especially if I'm working and don't have a chance to sit down to eat. Speaking of eating, I've discovered hostess cup cakes and I've fallen in love. I think I've had two boxes the past week and a half (Danny helps of course but I'm sure I eat the majority).

Emma responded to Danny this morning, he put his mouth on my belly and yelled "EMMA" and she kicked in the opposite direction, I think he scared her. He still hasn't been able to feel her from the outside yet though.

Next week's update will be a day early, as we are going out of town for my California baby shower. This shower will be super fun, I get to see all the friends and family that I miss so much! And they get to see my expanding belly.
Weight: 130.5lbs

18 (and a half) weeks

2010-10-09T08:29:00.000-07:00

Myy bad. I thought about the blog on Wednesday, and then I didn't do it. And then Thursday ended up sick, and Friday I don't think we were doing anything but being lazy after work and today I'm still sneezy but had to do this.

So this week: Very well. Only had morning sickness once, though I came close a few times. My legs are feeling better after taking that calcium this week. I seem to have lost my appetite, could be because of the cold, but I've had to force small meals because I'm just not hungry at all. As a result, I've lost some weight, down to 126.5, but along with not eating as much I'm also doing more through the week. This week was particularly busy, with work and vet appointments and church obligations. Our house is a desaster as well, from having a cold to being busy, things have gotten a little out of hand and it's totally grossing me out. Since we don't have any obligations until 5pm this afternoon (Saturday) I'm hoping to get the laundry and some of the house cleaned up. ok that's off topic.

So Emma has been kicking up a storm the last few days, it's pretty cool. I'm really hoping she gets strong enough to kick so we can feel from the outside. It's pretty surreal and hard to really take in that this is happening, and soon. I'm already almost 1/2 way through the pregnancy!

Weight 126.5 Baby Girl Emma

Baby Girl E!!!!!!!!!

2010-09-30T18:02:00.000-07:00

Our baby Girl is so adorable.

17 Weeks Pregnant

2010-09-30T13:16:00.000-07:00

This week has been quite better than the last 16 in terms of Morning Sickness. I only "got sick" twice this past week (that includes today) even though I still feel pretty nauseous most of the time I'm not throwing it all up anymore YAAAAAAY! I've been able to eat three meals and lots of snacks nearly every day. Meals aren't nearly the size that they used to be, but still, meals none the less.

Other things going on this week:

Restless legs. After going to the doctor today, I found out I have a calcium deficiency, and that accounts for the restless legs. I'm now on calcium tablets, since I don't drink milk, and only use soy milk in my cereal and for cooking.
Round ligament pains. These are fun, cramps that go from your uterus all the way up the sides of your belly. Fun stuff.
Lower Back Pain. More fun! Just something that comes with pregnancy
Sniffles. Yes, in fact, pregnancy causes some sort of something to happen to mucous membranes and I wasn't paying attention so I don't remember why, but lots of pregnant ladies get really snooty around this time of pregnancy.
Nose and gum bleeding. Yaay. enough said.
Trouble Sleeping: this I can attribute mostly to being told not to sleep on my back. I ignored at first but can't when my body wakes me up every time I lie on my back or turn onto my back during the night. Doc said this is because my blood pressure goes down and bam, body wakes me up to say "Hey! I need more blood!" i really need to find a good pregnancy pillow to shove under one side of my back to keep me from rolling over.

Doc says I'm right on track for weight gain, Hooray! Today (at home) I weighed in at 128.0lbs. A perfect amount of weight gain from last week, and to date. From 122 I've gained about 6 lbs, and if I continue to gain one pound per week, it will put me at right around 28-30 pounds, just where they want me to be. Woohoo!
Heard the baby today, heart beat still above 150bpm, perfect. It took a little while to find the heart beat, which made me want to die, but baby moved closer and we found it woohoo!!

Tonight, we find out the sex. Oh, and my bump came out to say hello today!

16 Weeks Pregnant

2010-09-22T12:55:00.000-07:00

Now I'm just trying to remember with this absent memory of mine how the past week has been..

I don't think I was nearly as physically sick as I have been previous weeks, and I had several meals containing either meat or chicken which I kept down just fine, but suffered the tummy cramps afterword regardless.

I finally finished my meds and I don't have any funky metalic or medicine induced taste in my mouth today at all! I haven't been able to drink plain water in weeks, because of the pregnancy metalic taste, it's gross. Always had to add some cranberry or orange juice to it! I've discovered that eating any kind of sugary food on an empty stomach is not a good idea, and doesn't help with hunger at all... Hungry? Don't grab a snickers! I've been able to eat two or three FULL SIZED meals this past week, which I'm proud of, and I weigh in at 127.5, and I can't remember my weight from last week, I'll have to look it up.

More exciting news, we find out if Squish is a boy or a girl NEXT WEEK! WOHOOO! September 30th, you'll all know if you're having a niece or nephew, grandson or granddaughter!!!! I'm not getting my hopes up, for some reason I just have this gut feeling that they aren't going to be able to determine the sex... even though I know some mommies who found out between 12-14 weeks, and our US Tech starts looking at 16 weeks and I'll be 17 weeks and one day. Or 17 and 4 days, or 16 and 6 days, they tell me something different about how far along I am at every visit.

I've had some hip pain, especially after walking around for upwards of 30 minutes at a time, or standing for longer than an hour, my hips just ache. I also have several pair of pants that won't come up past my hips any more. I've felt some of the ligiment pain (or so they telll me that is what it is) in my sides, and sometimes feel pain down by my pelvic bone/area, mostly mild discomfort. Some mornings I still wake up nauseous, though today and yesterday have been particularly lovely in terms of stomach comfort, minus the constant hungry. And I'm really craving fruits. Fruits fruits every time i get up for something to eat I look for fruit, and of course we don't have any hahahahahaha! Also I find that when I eat something good, that I can keep down, and that doesn't make me want to stop eating, that's all I want to eat. Though I haven't allowed myself repeat meals because I don't want baby to be a picky eater, and I'm finding more and more things that i can actually eat now.

Well baby needs a snack before we head out to the grocery store. Baby bump week 16:

Oops I cut of half my head. 16 weeks

15 Weeks Pregnant

2010-09-15T11:22:00.000-07:00

♫ Oh Heart beat, it's a love beat, and and when we meet, it's a good sensation! ♪

That's right, we heard little Squishy's heart beat!

Yesterday I went to the doctor, I've been having some serious pains that feel like horrible menstrual pains, and lower back pain that could kill someone. (Ok not that bad, it didn't have me in tears, but it hurt and was really uncomfortable!) I found out that I had an infection that causes the uterus to contract, and that's what I was feeling, and it's a good thing that I went in to get it treated because that causes preterm labor! And since baby isn't of viable age, he or she would have died. LUCKILY! I went in to the doctor and got some antibiotics. They make my mouth taste horrible, and I hate them, and have 6 days left, but it's all for baby!

They listened for Squish, and the heart rate was up at 160 BPM, which is good!! He or she was moving around a LOT and the doctor said that I might be able to feel him or her moving very soon. Danny wasn't at the appointment, so when the doctor said we could listen to the heart beat I was pretty sad that he wasn't there - that he would miss another first... but she told me to call him so he could hear it over the phone!!

I'm still sick, and yesterday Danny said to me, "Gosh babe, you sure throw up a lot!" Thanks honey! And he missed the worst of it LOL. But because I'm no longer throwing up at night, I've started to add some meat and chicken back into my diet, slowly, at night only. I still can't eat very much of it but I'm eating some and that's a start! at the doctor's office I weighed in (with clothes on) at 129, and I started at 127 (at the dr's office, with my clothes on) so that's a 2lb weight gain over the past 8 weeks.

I tried almond milk this morning and I didn't really like it, it was weird. I might give it another chance, but after looking at the nutritional values compared to Milk, it's just not as good, so I'll have to look at some silk cartons and see what they have to offer.

Naia is being adopted by another family this weekend, and so it's been a pretty emotional week. I could cry at the drop of a hat. Actually I pretty much do.

Uhh other than that I suppose that's all! :) Here's my bump:

Uterus FLIP!

2010-09-12T15:12:00.000-07:00

Well, seems as though my uterus has flipped up to where it would be for someone "normal." (aka anyone who doesn't have a tilted uterus) so my little bump has gone into hiding. Good news it that next time someone puts a doppler on my belly we should be able to hear the heartbeat (finally!) Next appointment is in 2 weeks and 4 days, and the gender scan will be shortly after that! Can't wait to hear squishy!

Started Zantac two days ago, helps me feel a little more normal but still losing breakfast (and sometimes lunch. and sometimes dinner...)

14 Weeks

2010-09-09T09:25:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I hit 14 weeks!! I was so sick in the morning and so busy in the afternoon/early evening that I didn't update the bloggy on time.

I've been more sick this week than I was last week, and my little baby bump has shrunk a little bit. Despite the shrink in the size of my tummy and the sickness, I still managed to gain half a pound from last week.

Other developments - I need to go bra shopping. Then I hesitate because I know the girls are still growing, but I'm just overflowing even my largest bras. I'm in need of a TJMaxx trip to find a $12 bra that I'll not even need a few weeks from now, or so I'm told.

I was able to clean for a little bit, and then I started to get sick again and so the house is once again a disaster. Danny helps when he can, but he is SO BUSY at work!! After being gone for nearly 5 weeks and then going on vacation with me, he is drowning in his work load. He is the Unit's deployment manager, and has to make sure everyone gets their stuff all done in time and in order and keep track of it all. I can't post all the details of what's going on but I can tell you, it's a lot of work!

Tonight we are going to the temple for the first time since I got pregnant. I'm really really hoping that I don't get sick! We are so thankful for this blessing, I'm sorry that we hadn't been able to make it up there earlier. This will be the first time Baby goes to the temple! hehehe!

I love my baby, have I said that? if I haven't, I'd like to say it again, I love my baby.

Oh another thing, I have NO MEMORY! Short term memory - gone. So if I don't call you back, write you back, or remember to be somewhere or if i don't remember when you told me such and such, it's not because I don't care, I just really do NOT remember!! I also tried to take off a clothing sensor with a sunglasses sensor remover yesterday at work. I felt like a retard, but oh well, I had just totally forgotten what I was doing! HAHAHAHAHAHAAHA!

Weight - 127.0 - TOTAL weight gain - 4 pounds

My heart is swollen

2010-09-09T08:57:00.000-07:00

I just want to tell you, little squishy, that I love you. You are our little miracle, and we have waited so long to have you!! I love you! (So does Daddy, but he's not the one writing this!!)

13 Weeks

2010-09-02T19:52:00.000-07:00

Well this week I am 13 weeks along!

I thought by now I would be feeling much better, but the last two days have been overly difficult. I got super sick today just walking down into the kitchen, and then again when I managed to make my way to the pantry and opened the door. It was like the smell of whatever was in there really smashed into my nose. When Danny came home he cleaned it out and threw out anything that had been opened already and all breads and bagels that could possibly have gone bad.

I'm not sure how much weight I've gained, I haven't been using the scale. I suppose I should start trying to keep track of that a little better, now that I'm supposed to start gaining about half a pound per week, up to a whole pound per week until the end of my pregnancy.

I still can't eat meat chicken or seafood, and I've found many recipes and options available at restaurants. Now that I'm not on the Prednisone I no longer lie awake through the night, so I've been able to get at least some sleep, minus the 2 or 3 bathroom trips in the middle of the night.

I've found that peppermint gum helps with the funky "metalic" taste in my mouth, and it also keeps me from gagging through the day as long as I have a piece in my mouth at all times. This can be quite difficult if I misplace my pack of gum, and can also be annoying as I go through a pack of gum every day. Sometimes if I get tired of chewing I use lifesavers mints but those have sugar in them.

Not sure what else to update on, our next appointment is the 30th of September and we will find out the baby's gender in about 4 weeks!

Here is my bump for the week, I know, I'm not glamorous at all, I have been sick through the day today and am not looking very "glowy" at all.

11 Weeks Pregnant

2010-08-18T12:49:00.000-07:00

Well, so far it has been quite a journey.

I have 8 days left of steroids, and still am not sleeping, thanks to said steroids, so I'm pretty tired, and I feel very irritable and crabby. I'm also constantly nauseous and constantly eating, weird combination. Tired of making four hundred meals a day and running out of ideas of what to eat. Haha. I have a strange taste in my mouth ALL THE TIME and it really bugs! I have been chewing pepermint gum, which does actually seem to help quite a bit, but I can't chew it all the time or I get headaches. (I know it sounds like I'm complaining a lot, doesn't it? I told you I'm crabby.)

Yesterday was pretty amazing. I had an ultrasound, and I got to see the little heart beating again. Even better, I got to see how much the baby has grown! And how he or she was moving all around, and jumping up and down, kicking arms and flinging legs, moving his or her mouth!! I say I can already tell he or she has Danny's nose ( ;) ) but we shall see!

We find out the sex of the baby on week 24 (17-24 November) unless we want to opt for a "private" scan, which means we pay out of pocket, to find out earlier. Danny and I will discuss this later on. Still no communication with Danny, so he hasn't heard about the ultrasound or appointment yet. Stinks to be pregnant alone, all I want is to share these special moments with him, these moments we have waited so long to have. My next appointment is on the 30th of September, and by then we should be able to actually hear the heart beating. (We could see it, but due to the backwards tilt of my uterus, the Doppler could not pick up the audio. Normally the heartbeat can be heard around 6-8 weeks of pregnancy.)

Other than being tired and crabby, and sometimes overly emotional, I'm doing alright. Counting down the days until I get to see Danny again and he can touch my growing baby belly.<3

10 weeks bump

2010-08-12T07:57:00.000-07:00

Here is my 10 week bump. I have poison ivy on my face, belly, and arms so please excuse the redness and face swelling.

10 Weeks Pregnant

2010-08-11T18:11:00.000-07:00

These last few weeks have been far from ideal. I skipped 9 weeks update, it just slipped away from me. After working 26 hours in one week (I know it doesn't seem like a lot, but when you are 8-9 weeks pregnant it is.) I was pooped.

So here's whats going on: I stopped taking my Zofran, I didn't want to risk an allergic reaction after the Dr first told me that was what was happening. My body was covered in hives and swollen and itchy.

The following morning, I woke up to blindness. Not actual blindness but I had to feel my face to check if my eyes were actually open because I couldn't see anything, and they were swollen shut. (photo below). I ended up being taken to the hospital by my new roommate, Leeanne, where I was sent to an allergist. As soon as he saw the reaction on my legs, he said it was 100% poison ivy, a reaction that had gotten down into my blood system, further weakened my immune system and caused a severe allergic reaction. I was given two options: Take a steroid shot and continue on steroids for the next 5 days, risking birth defects and miscarriage (or possibly better growth in the baby, they said it could go either way) or, not take the steroids, and risk my own death by suffocation, as my airways were starting to react. (I had to blow into this machine, I nearly died because it was so hard!! AH!) So I chose my life over no life (no mama, no baby), and had the shot. Within 15 minutes my eyes opened up again.

I will have another appointment on Friday to make sure everything is clearing up, and then an Ultrasound and OB appointment on Tuesday night to check on my baby. (after I'm done with the steroids)

I might post a baby bump picture later, but I'm scared.

Danny's unit tried to get him home early, but it didn't work out. I did however get a phone call and I was able to speak with him for about 7 minutes. I'll get to speak to him again after my appointment on Tuesday, as everyone is concerned about the baby and want to make sure that everything goes well.

Please, PLEASE, keep us (the three of us) in your prayers. I'm having someone come to spray the poison ivy out of our yard tomorrow afternoon, so we won't risk this horrible trial again.

This is my swollen face, my eyes are OPEN, but not... really able to open. I could hardly see anything out of my right eye and my left was closed completely.

Baby's First Photoshoot ;)

2010-08-02T07:34:00.000-07:00

This morning I had a follow up appointment at the OB clinic on base. It went really smoothly. I arrived about 20 minutes earlier (I would have been earlier than that but due to morning sickness that just wasn't possible) than I needed to but I wasn't sure about traffic in the mornings getting on to base, and I wasn't sure how long the line would be (I was instructed to go to Sick Hall at the clinic, since it was after hours when i was released from the ER and they couldn't make me a proper appointment). I was second in line when I arrived. I had to give a sample, since I was diagnosed with a UTI and all traces of the infection are gone (wohoo!) and I've been given the OK to stop the medicine, since it makes me even more sick.

They did discover however that I'm dehydrated. I'm, quite frankly, not keeping much down. So I was given medication to prevent vomiting. I took one as soon as I left and ate when I got home and happy to say my second breakfast stayed in place :) I don't know if I'll take it as much as they want me to, but it'll definitely help when I have to go to work in the morning.

Baby is measuring at 8 weeks and 1 day old, which would put conception on the 20th of June, even though I hadn't been in Mississippi for 3 full days at that time. I'm still uncertain of the day that I thought I felt ovulation though so really it could have been any time that weekend I suppose. It is still too early to move the due date so as for now, I'm still due on March 9, 2011.

And drumroll please!! The little baby.... this photo was taken just after I saw the heartbeat for the very first time. The Arrow was put there so that I could send a photo taken with my iPhone to Danny (who is still TDY) and so he could clearly see where baby is.

Scare

2010-07-31T07:58:00.000-07:00

We had quite a scare yesterday, as I had some bleeding and rushed to spend the day in the ER.

After several hours and loads of tests run, my doctor said baby is fine.

I will be resting through the weekend, and have to go to the OB clinic on Monday morning to have a follow up and an ultrasound done.

Scariest day so far.

8 Weeks Pregnant

2010-07-29T15:03:00.000-07:00

Well here I am, 8 weeks into the pregnancy, I've made it to the 2 month mark!! My baby is the size of a pinto bean (so says my pregnancy book).

I've still been feeling the morning sickness, and I've started to get seriously light headed when I stand for too long. Needless to say this makes work difficult sometimes and I've been leaning and sitting on every table in the store throughout my shifts. I feel like I don't help a whole lot while I'm there... but at least I'm there. I left early today though because being on my feet made me feel that much worse. I was finally able to eat when I got off of work and am happy to say that I kept it all down!

I had some help from a friend this week, as Danny is gone and can't (obviously) help around the house. Cleaning toilets and bleaching bathrooms, I'm so grateful for my friend's help. It made me feel so much better to have clean in my life. hahaha!

I have moved into a somewhat meatless diet, as it isn't appealing to me at all to look at or cook any kind of meat or poultry, though I did eat a cheeseburger yesterday. I couldn't seem to eat one today though. Luckily I've been in love with peanut butter this week, especially with my granny smith apples (yes, still my food of choice above all else haha!) and have been finding other sources of that oh so important protein to snack and eat.

I seem to have had somewhat of a "growth spurt" this week, despite the sickness. I have gained 1.5 lbs this past week, and now weigh in at 126.0. Belly time! (Danny is gone so I did my best, propping up the camera with a blanket...

First Prenatal Appointment

2010-07-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

First off, I had my first REAL bout of morning sickness today. It kicked in this morning as I was getting ready for the appointment, and literally came out of nowhere.

We went to the appointment and it was LAAAAAAAAME! I was asked a million questions, and then they sent me on my way. I asked if we could hear the heartbeat and she said it was "too early" (to which I say, BULL S!).
*eye roll*
My next appointment is on the 17th of August. She assured me I'd be able to hear the heartbeat then.

Danny is gone, again, until the beginning of september. With little to no communication, this time, so I'm pretty bummed. I told him to kiss my flat belly good bye, because when he comes back I'll have a pocket pouch. LOL

Well I'm pretty worn out. Next update on Wednesday, as, according to the doctor I'll be 8 weeks then.

7 Weeks Pregnant

2010-07-22T17:28:00.000-07:00

According to my own calculations, I'm about 7 weeks pregnant. According to the dates that the OB clinic go by, I'm 7 weeks, 3 days pregnant. So either way I'm somewhere in my 7th week of pregnancy.

This week, I still feel really exhausted. I haven't been hit by morning sickness, though I sometimes feel nausea, and have an upset tummy a lot. Not nausea, but just a feeling of unwell. I still pee every five minutes. And I wake up in the middle of the night. Luckily if I wake up after 9am now I feel rested when I wake, though that doesn't help me most days because I wake at 7:30 for work.

Smells have started to get stronger, that's for sure. It really sucks when someone has bad breath, or washes their clothes in cologne. Cigarette smoke makes me want to run screaming, and don't get me started on the smell of raw chicken. When I have to cut it up I really want to run away. I even held my breath while making lunch the other day because I didn't want to smell it.

And... not to mention I've become a little bit of a PregZilla. I cry at everything, and I have some serious mood swings going on.

I guess that's about all going on so far, I have an appointment on Monday so check in Monday afternoon for another update :)

xoxo

Weight: 124.5

6 weeks Pregnant

2010-07-16T07:45:00.000-07:00

So far, I feel pretty normal.

I've been worried a few times, because I really don't have any sort of morning sickness or nausea 99% of the time. Usually if I eat and then get in the car ( which I have to do every day before work...) I get kind of motion sick (so I spend the first hour at work feeling icky!!), but other than that I usually feel fine. I get fatigued more easily, and the "girls" hurt all the time. Other than that.... I'm just me!

Danny and I have been eating much healthier since we found out we're going to be parents. We've switched from white to whole grain rice, and haven't eaten nearly as much junk food as we (or I) normally do. Lots of fruits have been added to our diets, and I've been very conscious of how much water I'm taking in (at least 64 ounces each day). I've only had two sprites, and only because of nausea, but no soda other than that. Just water, really,and occasionally some V8 fusion.

I take my prenatal vitamins every morning, and they help boost my energy level up for a few hours. I've only taken two home pregnancy tests, one the day I found out, and one 4 or 5 days later after I started to get that first pregnancy worry. It was way more positive than the first, and really put my mind at ease.

We are still waiting for our first prenatal appointment. Danny will be going TDY(again) on the 26th, the day of our appointment, and we are just hoping and praying that he won't have to leave until after the 9am appointment time. I suppose it will just be a preview of what's to come - just like that iPhone commercial I cried about before I knew I was pregnant - doing ultrasounds alone and being pregnant alone. I guess that's what comes with being a military wife, you get to be a single mom and a married mom all at the same time!

So far I have gained 1 pound. Starting weight was 123 (well "starting" meaning I weighed myself when i found out I was pregnant, though I think I was more like 121 before... but who knows. I try to stay away from the scale for the most part.), and at 6 weeks I weigh 124.0. Photo below - 6 weeks pregnant. Bottom photo: 5 weeks, 6 weeks.

A Miracle

2010-07-11T16:41:00.000-07:00

My heart is bursting with joy. The knowledge of my pregnancy hasn't yet sunken in... we keep looking at each other with smile, squealing "we're pregnant!" several times through the day.

I feel so blessed to have been given a chance to be a mommy. It is all my heart has ever really wanted, more than anything - to have a family built on the foundation of Love. And I am so grateful to finally be expanding that little family. Our family of 5 (including the dogs, just because I'm pregnant does not take away the fact that the dogs are still our family too!) is going to be incredible.

Physically I feel the effects of Pregnancy already. I have been overly thirsty the past several weeks, and the fatigue is wearing my body down. After work all I need to do is crash, take a nap. Some days I really wish for the energy to do the laundry or clean up the dirty kitchen, but it just isn't there. It is ok, and according to my pregnancy books I am not allowed to feel guilty for having a sink filled with dishes. ;)

Danny has been great. Even though I feel like I am taking advantage every time I ask him to get me another glass of water, or to get me an apple from the fridge. I've begun to really despise the three story layout of my home, the steps stink! Especially when I go from basement to top floor to use the restroom (Naia sleeps in the bathroom on the middle level, so when she's in there we don't use that restroom. Otherwise it triggers nonstop barking).

All in all pregnancy has been great, though. I am so excited to finally be given the opportunity to feel what it's like to be pregnant. I never gave a pregnant lady enough credit for getting out of bed in the morning. So, ladies, my hat is off to you.

One last thing before I go - my boss bought us our very first baby item... a onesie...